I (F30) am having severe medical issues and I am struggling to cope with what the future might bring.

I am extremely frustrated and the future is extremely uncertain. I am having a ton of medical problems. My legs are randomly alternating between going numb and extreme pain. I have pins and needles going down them as well. I am having visual disturbances and also having constant pins and needles up my back. I am losing muscle grip in my hands and I have random pins and needles with pain.

The doctor is in the process of trying to figure everything out. It could be really bad. I am really sad that this is happening. My body is not functioning. I am still going to work but I have had to leave early. I lose vision and I am in so much pain.

On Monday I have to send in the FMLA paperwork. I love my job. After all this time I have a job I love and I have also been accepted into college and I should be starting in August. My job is willing to work with me however I feel it is only a matter of time until I get fired.

I am feeling hopeless. I am the main provider in my relationship. My boyfriend has been out of work for 3 months. This is a horrible time for this to happen. We can live on my credit but only for four months in case on an emergency.

I am angry. I am angry that I am under such pressure and that all I have worked for might be for nothing since my body is not functioning. I am angry that I cannot just take the time off to focus on my health and doctor's appointments without massive worry.

I am also really sad. I feel like I am being a burden to everyone. I am literally just lying around because then I am not in pain. There is a good chance that I could be disabled.

I have been crying at the drop of a hat. This isn't fair to my boyfriend. He's always wanted a family and I am infertile. We had planned on adopting but now I literally can't care for a child. It isn't fair to him that he now needs to support me while I relearn how to stand. He says that he doesn't care and he wants to stay with me.

I am trying to take him at face value but it is so unfair to him. We have been together 5 years. I can't keep up at my job, not because I am not skilled but because my body is literally not functioning.

I don't want to have accomodations. I don't want to be pitied. I just want to be able to walk, run, lift, and function. I am so sick and tired of lying around. I was always an active person. You would think lying around would be great but it is not.

The idea of this being something major terrifies me even though I work really hard not to show it. The doctors are in the process of rule out. I am starting physical therapy on Wednesday. I am waiting for my other referrals.

I want to take off at least 2 months to focus on my therapies. I am so disappointed in myself for being this weak. My boyfriend is being so supportive but I know he didn't sign up for this. I can't keep up with my little sister. My Mom keeps talking about how it's probably a low immune system. The rest of my family are gossipping about my work ethic.

I am trying to do what is best for me. I feel like everything I worked for is being taken away. Has anyone else suddenly become disabled or experience what I am going through? How did you handle it? Where are you now in life. I always wanted my life to be a thriving experience, now it seems like a decline. How do I stop feeling so emotional?

TL;DR: I am having many symptoms which is making it nearly impossible for me to work. I feel extreme guilt and constant worry that I might be becoming disabled.

Submitted June 06, 2020 at 08:21PM by SnooMemesjellies4567 https://ift.tt/2Y9HRDZ