We have been together for just over 5 years now and for the most part I feel so incredibly lucky. We started dating in our final years of high school, did 8 months of long distance and have now been living together for about 2 years. Where we live we both share the lounge as an “office space” with his desk next to mine. He loves gaming and I’ve always understood it’s an important hobby for him which he gets a lot of enjoyment out of. I have other interests and hobbies but mine will usually take maybe an hour or two during the week and a few more on the weekend whereas I don’t know if gaming could really be considered a hobby because it is what he spends the majority of his time on. He plays both PC and PS4 games, and has 4/5 on constant rotation. Whenever there is a new release he will get it and finish it within 1/2 days whilst having some constant games like Final Fantasy IV.
I am always trying to find ways to spend more time with him so I’ve picked up a few games but I have a Mac so a lot of the games he plays I am unable to get. I have always changed my sleep schedules to try fit into his but it’s gotten to the point where I’m unable. Going to bed at 4am to wake up at 1pm is not practical for me which means I always have to go to bed alone which I hate. I don’t know if that’s a problem with me am I asking too much to want to end our day together? I don’t even expect it every night by maybe 1 day together and then 2 off or something and I’ve suggested this to him and he always does it for one or two nights and then goes back to not coming to bed for a week. This also really affects our sex life. I am starting to become resentful because everyday I wake up and start my day often having to do household chores because at this point it’s easier to get them done than wait for him to wake up and then having to constantly remind him like I don’t want to be that girlfriends that’s a mother but I also don’t think it’s fair that I have to do everything because otherwise it just won’t get done. And then when he finally wakes up he puts his headphones on and starts talking to people online and it makes me feel completely out of it and like he doesn’t want to interact with me.
Now typing this out I’m sure people will say he’s not into me but I’ve brought this up with him a few times and he always says but we are spending time together because he considers gaming next to me with other people as spending time together. I don’t even mind when he games solo because we can chat and joke as he goes but it’s constantly online with others where I am just completely blocked out of it. He always tells me that I’m so important to him and he can’t understand how I’m feeling neglected because we live together but we don’t spend any quality time together I’m lucky if he wants to play some of the games I can play too because at least then I’m involved. Otherwise the only times we spend together is making food and watching a show when we eat and even then if I want to watch two episodes it becomes a big deal because he has to get back to whichever game he is playing. He will also decide randomly when he wakes up that we can spend the whole day together but that only happens when something with his gaming has fallen through or if he wants to do something in the games I play with him and then I feel like I have to drop any previous plans because I don’t want to miss an opportunity to spend the day with him.
I’m honestly at a loss because I don’t know what to do, every time I bring it up and tell him how I’m feeling he makes an effort for a few days but it quickly goes back to how it was before. He has helped me a lot throughout our relationship but I can’t help but feel like I am second to his gaming at this point. And whenever I mention this he always assures me that I’m being silly and that I’m his number one and if I made him choose he would always choose me but also I would NEVER do that because I know it’s important to him. All I want is more of a balance but at this point I don’t know if I’m wrong for wanting that? Or how I can get him to see it’s not balance? He also have been avoiding his studies but he sees me working everyday so he could work with me but instead just chooses to game. I’m just really confused with what I can do which is why I’m posting here to ask the help of strangers. He believes he doesn’t have a problem and says that all his friends game nearly as much but I just don’t see how this is possible.
Important to note when he’s not gaming and we are doing what I would consider spending time like making food things are so good. We have a very good relationship. Which is why whenever I bring this up with him he’s always shocked because he says but we’ve been having fun and things are so good because when he’s gaming he doesn’t realise anything outside of that. He is always really apologetic and tells me he feels really bad that I feel this way and makes and effort but again it never lasts. What can I do to make this last or am I in the wrong?
TL;DR My feel that my boyfriend of 5 years is neglecting me for his gaming and I don’t know if he has a gaming problem or if I am the problem? We have been living together for 2 years and lately his gaming has become non stop and I feel completely outside from it. I try to join but in most cases I don’t have a Pc or PS4 so I’m unable to. I would like to know what I should do for either scenario? He is the person I want to end up with because whenever we do spend time together it’s so amazing I’m just finding it difficult because it feels like he spends more time gaming than with me and I don’t know if I’m wrong for wanting it to be the other way around? He doesn’t see it and is always shocked when I bring it up because he says things are so good with us even though I’ve brought it up on a few occasions.
Submitted June 03, 2020 at 04:11PM by veronicahelp https://ift.tt/3eRMWYg
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