Lets call my (24M) ex-girlfriend (23F) Phoebe. Phoebe was my high school girlfriend and we continued to date well into university. We graduated at the top of our class, and my favorite thing about her was how she always impressed me with her maturity and intelligence. I cannot stress enough how well Phoebe treated me. She was a kind girlfriend, and I can't think of a single thing she ever did wrong to me. I treasure both her as a person and I value the relationship that we shared together, as it taught me so much about life and relationships at a young age. I never have and never will speak a bad word about Phoebe.
Towards the end of the relationship I was injured and faced the possibility of never walking again. This was very significant to me, as I spent the majority of my childhood in physical therapy learning to deal with my disability to the point where I was almost entirely symptom free. Saying I didn't handle it well is an understatement. I grew cold, bitter, and fell into a severe and familiar depression. My depression progressed to the point where I was fully suicidal. I wrote a note, had a plan, and began to distance myself from those that I cared about. One day I woke up and just decided it was time to go over to her house and break up with her so that (this was my reasoning at the time I was sick) it wouldn't hurt her as much when I did the deed. Of course, I didn't go through with my suicide plan. Instead I had a manic period of about a month and a half where I partied hard, abused painkillers and alcohol, and ended up in a toxic relationship that lasted a year. I've since received lots of treatment for my depression, my injury, and I'm no longer suicidal. I'm in a much better place now.
Other than her sending me a sympathy message after my dog died I've had no contact with Phoebe since our breakup; and she basically has no idea that anything in the last paragraph happened aside from my injury. I just made up some BS about not being happy as my reason for breaking up with her, as I obviously wasn't going to tell her the real reason. I know I must've hurt Phoebe, and she did absolutely nothing to deserve it. It's my single biggest regret in my life. Fast forward to today. I saw that Phoebe has recently graduated from her university and is going down the same career path that I am. I literally couldn't be more proud of her.
I want to be very clear that I have no desire to rekindle any sort of relationship or friendship. I do not feel a desire to tell her the real reason we ended things, as I feel it would appear as though I'm making excuses for my actions. It may also bring up painful feelings for Phoebe, and I have no right bringing any more pain upon her. I know that I don't deserve to have any role in Phoebe's future with the way I've treated her. That said, I have no idea how she feels about me.
I would very much like to shoot her a simple congratulatory message stating that I'm proud of her and that I know she has lots of success in store for her. Would this be inappropriate? Is there a better way for me to go about this?
TL;DR! I (24M) broke up with my now ex-girlfriend (23F) of almost three years about two years ago under extreme personal duress that she is unaware of. We both have recently graduated and are on a similar career path. I'm very proud of what she's accomplished. Would it be appropriate for me to send her a short message congratulating her?
Edit: If Phoebe did pursue further conversation beyond a simple professional “congrats” and she asked for clarity I would give it to her. I simply don’t want to volunteer that information out of the blue to somebody that has likely moved on.
Submitted May 18, 2020 at 08:33PM by theskyisbig27 https://ift.tt/3g1iT1D
No comments:
Post a Comment