My boyfriend (32M) wants to break up because I (29F) replied to an ex (33M) informing me about a beloved pet dying

I've been with Tom for a little over a year. We don't live together but we're both isolating from everyone else so we do get to see each other. He has been cheated on before so he dislikes his partners keeping in contact with exes. He told me up front that he would be most comfortable if I wasn't in contact with any of my exes at all. While my exes and I left on friendly/neutral terms I'm not close with any of them now so it didn't bother me. I unfollowed the couple I was following on IG and deleted their numbers off my phone, which satisfied him.

Things have been great. However, I recently did get texted by my ex, Dan. Dan and I dated for 2.5 years and while we were together he adopted a cat, Suzannah. She wasn't "our" cat, but of course I developed a close relationship with her. Suzannah was a special cat. She was very empathic and really helped me after my mom died unexpectedly. She would always come to cuddle me when I was feeling particularly upset, it was like she just knew when I needed her. To this day I value the support she and Dan gave me during the hardest time in my life. After we broke up, Dan moved back to his parents' state so our communication gradually faded and I hadn't heard from him in years.

I received a communication from him this week informing me that Suzannah had developed cancer and had to be euthanized. He knew how special she was to me and just wanted to let me know. He included a photo of the place where they buried her in his parents' backyard; they planted flowers around it and it was really nicely done. I replied and just said thanks for letting me know, my condolences, and I hoped he and his family were well.

I figured Tom would appreciate knowing that Dan had contacted me and that being transparent was the right thing to do. I had previously told him about Suzannah so he knew how much she meant to me. So I told him just FYI, Dan told me Suzannah died and I showed him the extent of our communication.

I expected him to be sympathetic about this and pleased that I was honest. However the opposite happened! He got pretty upset and asked why I'd replied to Dan at all. Honestly, I hadn't even though to not reply; I figured replying was the polite thing to do because Dan had been kind enough to inform me of this. However, Tom thinks I should have blocked him after telling him not to contact me again (which seems unnecessarily aggressive to me especially when the poor guy's pet died), and was actually mad that Dan wasn't already blocked until I pointed out that when we started dating he was okay with me just deleting the number and not going so far as to block him. I went ahead and blocked Dan since our communication was ended and I doubted he'd ever text me again.

Tom then went on to say that this could be a ploy from Dan to get back into my life. While I sympathize with Tom being cheated on, I don't think this is true AT ALL. We hadn't talked in 2+ years, I know from social media that Dan dated after we broke up, and he lives in another state. I remember him as a decent, moral dude who wouldn't play bizarre games like this. ALSO, since I blocked Dan upon Tom's request it's a moot point. Tom expressed disappointment that I was "naive" which I think is ridiculous. I did push back against him a little and said that while I understand his feelings and am willing to take steps to alleviate his paranoia, I don't appreciate that he called me naive.

I guess Tom was upset that this happened at all because after a couple days he had clearly thought about it and said we should break up. He said he'd feel more comfortable dating someone who had better judgment of people (meaning he thought I'd misjudged Dan's intentions) and wasn't in contact with exes. This doesn't make sense to me because again, I wasn't "in contact with exes." I couldn't control that Dan randomly texted me, and if Tom had wanted me to block him initially instead of just delete his number I would have done so.

I've been talking with my close friends about this and they all say that while Tom is free to do whatever he wants, I'm dodging a bullet. In fact, one of them said she had always had a weird vibe about Tom and now I'm going through our entire relationship in my head to see if anything else has felt off. He has always been weird about me having guy friends which made me slightly uncomfortable because I've previously dated more trusting people and I like having a relationship where I don't have to worry constantly about policing my behavior. I've always gotten along well with both men and women and with Tom it actually felt unnatural and pretty old-fashioned for me to do things like make sure a guy friend and I weren't alone together and stuff like that.

It just sucks because I feel like I'm being punished for being honest (wouldn't it have been worse if I'd failed to tell him about Dan's text?) and I really thought Tom and I had potential for marriage and having kids together. I'm accepting that the relationship is probably over and Tom and I just aren't compatible but I feel blindsided and am wondering if I'd made a mistake that if repeated could cost me another future relationship. I've gone over things in my head over and over and I guess the main mistake I made is replying to Dan, but now I'm thinking maybe I don't want to be with someone who is uptight about stuff like this. I'm an easygoing, trusting person and I think I might be happier with someone who is more like me.

My friends are all on my side obviously so I would appreciate hearing what you think.

TL;DR: Current BF Tom has been cheated on before. I wasn't in contact with exes but received a text out of the blue saying my ex's cat who I loved died. I sent a brief reply and showed Tom but instead of being pleased with my honesty he said I was being naive about ex's intentions and should have blocked him. Now he wants to break up. Am I dodging a bullet or did I make a mistake?

Submitted May 02, 2020 at 07:13PM by ThrowRA-cat900 https://ift.tt/2xypqje