I (32F) get annoyed when husband (38M) asks if he can help vs just doing whatever needs done. How do I fix this?

My husband is an 'asker'. He has questions all day long. Would I like him to go to the grocery store? Do I need help? things like that.

I was raised that asking, vs just -doing- whatever it is, means that the person asking doesn't actually want to do the thing. So when husband asks "Do you need help?" I automatically say no, because in my mind, he's just asking to be polite and/or 'fulfill his duty' and doesn't -actually- want to help, because if he really wanted to help he'd just... start helping right?

This is currently a major issue between us. He asks if I need help. I say no. I then later seethe about how he won't just pitch in.

I know the logical answer is 'well, say yes when he asks if you need help' but that is not my instinct. I also get overwhelmed when he asks me to plan his life - things like 'do you want me to go grocery shopping tonight?'. Why not just "Hey I'm going grocery shopping tonight."? I feel like he can't make a move without asking me first, and it drives me insane and I end up annoyed going "I don't care" and then he gets annoyed because I won't give him a straight answer.

Any advice? I read something on FB about 'askers' vs 'guessers' lately and it really hit home. I think he's an asker/ask questions first, where as I was raised as a guesser/deal with consequences later. I just don't know how to reconcile it.

TL;DR Husband asks for things, I get annoyed because I expect him to pitch in without specifically answering 'yes'

Submitted April 24, 2020 at 01:06PM by loopsdefruit https://ift.tt/3cGZuk4