Me (30F) and a guy (39M) I am dating had sex 13 years ago, when I was 17 and he was 26. Both of us just found out. Is this a deal breaker?

I know it sounds ridiculous that we both JUST realized we had sex before, but we've only been on three dates, and both of us have changed physically by a lot. I have super long hair, I used to have a pixie cut. He used to be muscular, now hes a bit chubby, also he has a longer beard and long hair whereas before it was a short stubble with a buzzcut. In case it wasn't unfortunately obvious, we do live in a small town, although I've been away from ages 19-28.

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When I was 17-18, I slept with a lot of men. I probably slept with more men in that phase than all my other years combined. A lot of them were guys who were much older than me, and in retrospect that grosses me out at those creepy, weird men who were often 10+ years old than me who were sleeping with me when I was 17. I mean I did most of the flirting, but jesus, they should have known better (and of course, I should have known better than to be trying to sleep with every guy in town). I get its more normalized here for older men to date younger women but still. I was only 17, and I looked 17 too.

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I told my friend Ashley about John (the guy) and she was excited I finally found a guy in town. I showed her his facebook and she laughed and said that I knew him, and that we made out at Yelena's party when I was 17. She said it was normal for me to not remember that considering both of us were drunk. Except we didn't only make out, we had sex in the bedroom upstairs. We barely even exchanged names at all, and both of us were drunk. It was like a wave had just crashed over me honestly. I remembered the experience and realized, yeah, they have the same eyes. She asked if he seemed like he remembered me, and I said no, not at all. Of course, Ashley is laughing at me for this, but she also told me that he was a party boy back then and isn't like that anymore. I was still suddenly really confused and grossed out at him.

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I decided to tell him over coffee the next day. I said awkwardly that we had already slept together, and he laughed and said "what do you possibly mean by that" and I said that it was 13 years ago at Yelena's party the night that her dog bit someone, and that we had sex upstairs. He just suddenly looked very shocked, but it was obvious he remembered, and he then looked sort of freaked out. He than asked how old I was at the time, and I said 17, and he looked really solemn and quietly said he was sorry for that, so he knew what he did was wrong I suppose. I just said it was okay, and then we sort of sat there awkwardly and he said it was a long time ago, then my lunch break was over either way so I left.

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Here's the thing. I really, really like him. Like we only had three dates but holy shit we are just totally in sync. Maybe he was a creep back then, but I considerably doubt he still is. But I also still feel weird about this. He was still a full adult sleeping with a teenager, even if it was 13 years ago. I like to consider myself a feminist and what he did would be considered ridiculously, unforgivably creepy as a 26 year old to most feminists. How do you guys feel about this? Is this a deal breaker?

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TL;DR - - I didnt realize I had already slept with the guy I am dating when I was a teen, he didn't know either. I feel grossed out, but am not sure if this is a deal breaker or not.

Submitted January 03, 2020 at 06:49PM by scrytmmjk13 https://ift.tt/2SQcSf7