I've been struggling with this fact for the last decade of my life. I think I'm looking for advice to be a better person/daughter to her.
My mom and I are very similar. I inherited a lot of her worst qualities like gossiping and being a little crass at times. They are qualities that I dislike in myself so it makes sense that I get angry at her for displaying them. I've been to counseling and talked about mom a lot, but I often don't get anywhere.
My mom was a pretty good mom. She made some mistakes but overall I am very grateful she doesn't interfere with my life too much, she typically respects boundaries, she expresses love to me and to my husband, and she did not abuse me as a child.
The problem I'm having is that I really don't like her. I don't want to be around her, and I'm annoyed every time I have a message from her. I have been overly judgemental and annoyed with her in person and I know that she senses this. Once while she was recovering from a surgery, heavily medicated, she told me that I make her feel like her own mother did (abusive and cruel) and she wished I wouldn't be that way. The thing is, I have so much empathy and love for her that it made me really sad to hear that. But I still don't like her and find it hard to change.
For the last 15 years she has had a blog where she details her journey to overcome her childhood, being held back by men in the world, and normal everyday challenges of being her. I had to ask her 10 years ago to stop mentioning me at all. She's always been someone who shares my news with others. She stopped but will occasionally post about me without my name or identifying information. She raised me and my sister to think men are weak, she paid all the bills, totally ran the household, and would put my dad down in front of us. They are still married. I have had a front row seat of her journey with this blog, even though I try to not read it. Sometimes she will email the blog posts to me, I assume to communicate something to me indirectly. She is someone who, in her words, is constantly misunderstood, and she spends a lot of her day explain the kind of person she is or what she's working on rather than just... living.
In the last few years she and my sister have started to get really deep into meditation, crystals, energy healing, etc. She blogs about her journey to letting go of the past, living in the moment, being her best self, learning to be a better person. She has, however, gotten much worse at living in the moment. She's constantly on her phone or iPad, impolite in social settings, loud and uneducated, sometimes she's actually blogging about being in the moment and loving being with family while we're having a family event. People comment about how inspiring she is. I find all of this so annoying. Today, for example, I got a message from her asking if I was 'sitting in bed, reading or watching TV. I said no, I'm laying down and have been sick (which she knew). She asked if I had been sitting up in bed recently, to which I said no. She told me she and my dad are doing energy work and she had a vision. I just didn't respond. That prompted me to make this post. I really dislike her. Nothing is ever easy, we don't have normal conversations, she always makes comments about how she wants to dig deeper, not have small talk, and wants to REALLY get to know people.
She is not unkind. But I really dislike her. To the point that I don't want to give her any attention at all. This happens every time we talk. I don't even mind the things she is into. Many of my friends talk about energy, reiki, crystals, etc. and I don't get upset. I myself am into meditation, believe I'm a little sensitive to emotions of other people, and believe that there are many things in our world we don't understand. But with her I want to roll my eyes and put her down when she brings up this stuff.
What can I do to work through that and include her more in my life? How can I grow as a person and not show so much disdain for someone who isn't hurting me?
TLDR: My mom annoys me and I just don't like her. But this causes me to treat her like she did horrible, harmful things to me. How do you work that kind of relationship into your life?
Submitted January 29, 2020 at 02:31PM by throwaway80948234 https://ift.tt/2O9D0yD
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