TL;DR- Fiance was finally debt free but then found himself in credit card debt again. He didn't tell me until it came up with our financial advisor. Not sure what this should mean for our relationship.
Hey Reddit. Throwaway account because my fiance knows my regular one. Apologies for the long wall of text, this requires a little bit of back story.
My fiance and I have been together for 4.5 years. We're newly engaged and wedding planning.
When we first started dating in 2015 he was buried in about $13k of credit card debt (plus a car payment) and was really bad at managing his money. I was really supportive and helped him figure out a budget, recognize issues with his spending habits, find a financial advisor for us, etc. while he worked is way out of it. A little over a year ago he finally got everything paid off and was completely debt free. Our finances are not combined, but we are very open about them because we live together, share expenses, and are planning for a future together.
One of the big things I always stressed in our relationship was that I didn't want him to be in debt when he proposed. I didn't want a financed ring, and I didn't want credit card debt following us into marriage. We put our relationship goals on hold and waited a long time to get engaged due to his financial situation.
I thought everything was in a great place. He's debt free, plus got a significant raise at work, we finally got engaged (with a ring he paid for outright), and we're able to comfortably afford our wedding while still saving toward our future.
I guess I was wrong. Last night we had our annual call with our financial advisor to talk about investments, 401k, wedding budgeting, etc. I reminded our advisor that my fiance is now completely debt free and all his credit card payments are done. My fiance looked at me and shook his head and said he had a balance. I assumed maybe he meant for the month. Immediately after the call I asked him what he was talking about and he shared that he has a $7,000 balance on his card that he has been trying to pay down but he doesn't feel like it's moving. He said it piled up without him realizing and then he was scared to tell me because he thought I'd be disappointed that he got back into debt.
I told him how sad I felt that he didn't tell me sooner and on his own, and that I this does not set us up for success in a marriage if he can't talk to me about finances and if he spends excessively behind my back. He apologized profusely and he knows he betrayed my trust and has a spending problem. He cut up his cards last night, we came up with a game plan to get it paid off quickly, and has promised to talk to me going forward. I'm just not sure if I'm making the right decision. I love him and want to be supportive, but I don't want to let a massive red flag slide or make it a smaller deal than it should be. Any advice would be helpful. I'm not really sure where to go from here.
Submitted January 30, 2020 at 11:58AM by moneylies https://ift.tt/31fPmuq
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