My wife recently gave birth and is convinced I'm sleeping with one of my students. I really don’t know what to do to convince her that I love her and she’s the only one for me?

I was hesitant to post this until I saw a somewhat similar post on here last week from the opposite perspective. This is something I need to approach sensitively and gently as this is an understandably touchy subject for my wife, L. However, I do feel what she did was completely out of line and should be addressed.

For context, L [F, 28] and I [M, 32] have been married for five years. A couple months ago, L gave birth to our first child and while I am thrilled, it has been a tense couple of months. Ever since she has been pregnant, L’s self-esteem has taken a major dip as she has gained a noticeable amount of weight. There has been nothing I could say or do to make her feel loved, but I was hoping that after she had the baby and her body started to get back to normal that maybe she’d regain some of her confidence. Unfortunately, it has only seemed to have gotten worse. I am a science teacher at the high school in our town and run the school’s environmental club and have completely cut down on my hours to be there for L so she’s not home taking care of our baby by herself. Over the past couple months, L will get jealous if I even so much as talk to another woman- even if it is necessary (ex. Cashier, waitress, etc.). I have tried to calmly talk to her about this and have suggested getting some sort of counseling but L was brought up to view any type of therapy as shameful so most of the conversations have ended in arguments. I don’t want to fight with her, I’m just really concerned as before she got pregnant she never acted like this. It’s been a total 180.

Two weeks ago, L’s parents were in town and offered to watch our baby for the afternoon so we could get some time to ourselves. We were both pretty worn out, so we decided to just grab some coffee from a local coffee shop and just chill out. While we were waiting in line, one of my students H, got in line behind us. H is very passionate about environmental science so I know her a somewhat better than some of my other students. We exchanged some small talk about the club and the class she takes that I teach. L went to get a table while I waited for coffees and continued to answer some questions about an assignment for H. I didn’t think anything of it, as I was just explaining something about a project H was confused about, but on our way home L began asking question after question about H. She also made several snide comments about what H was wearing, calling it trashy and slutty, etc. (H was dressed appropriately from what I noticed). And this went on for another week. L became extremely suspicious of anything I did. She even came to some school events I had to go to where it is normally not appropriate for anyone else to attend other than faculty and continued to ask questions about H. I kept trying to tell her that I am 100% committed to her and that I love her, but she won’t listen to me. I feel like I’m going crazy.

Anyways, now that you have all that information- here’s where I really need help. Last week, I forgot my phone on my way to work. I wasn’t that bothered as I live only a few minutes away. I ended up staying about a half hour late to enter in some grades but when I returned home all hell broke loose. L had completely searched my phone looking for any evidence that I might have been seeing H. While she didn’t find anything (as I am not having any kind of an affair) she found some texts between me and two of my female colleagues. This was a huge violation of my privacy and I would never do something like this to her. Both conversations were strictly professional but L began angrily interrogating me about these women, calling them sluts, and saying that I was cheating on her. I kept trying calm her down and explain that nothing was going on but she refuses to believe me. We got into a fight and it ended with her breaking my phone. This is so completely out of character for her. She used to be the most confident, assured person I knew and now she’s become this insecure, controlling person that I barely recognize.

I am very concerned for her. I can’t force her to try any kind of therapy if she doesn’t want it but I think that this goes beyond normal insecurities and am worried something else may be going on. What should I do? I’m completely at a loss. How should I approach this conversation with her? This is starting to affect my mental health too.

TL;DR: After giving birth to our first child, my wife has become extremely suspicious of me and is convinced that I'm having an affair with one of students. This is not happening. I really worried about my wife and want to get her help but she doesn't want to do so. How can I help her? I'm very concerned.

Submitted January 29, 2020 at 06:24AM by throwaway137810 https://ift.tt/316aAec