Long story short, my fiance and I have been friends for about 10 years and in a relationship for 2. We've helped each other multiple times from the gates of hell and back prior/during our relationship. As friends and partners we have survived a lot together: experienced a suicide of a best friend (we found him), my mother almost dying, multiple traumatic breakups on both of our parts. We recently decided to get engaged and couldn't be happier about it, but are much more focused on the marriage rather than the wedding itself, if that makes any sense.
The fact that we dont want any traditional ceremony surrounding this took my parents (immigrants) a bit of getting used to, but after we went home for the holidays and they observed the dynamic of our relationship/how devoted we are, they expressed their blessing and happiness for us.
My brother (30M) up til recently has been my closest confidante, and I love him to death. He has pursued a more conventional career path than I, makes way more money. He is moving up rapidly in his company and I have observed him adopt an increasing tone of condescension toward me in our interactions. I try to tolerate it and attribute it to his tone at work bleeding into his personal life, but I am particularly upset right now.
He has been with his gf for about 7 years. Neither of them have had a serious adult/cohabitative relationship prior to each other. She is a very known quantity in our household; they went to the same household, parents live 5 minutes away from mine. They've lived together for several years and have always existed in a state of domestic bliss that until my current SO, I never found myself in (but wasn't ever really jealous of).
He seemed to be rather taken aback that I was engaged but is exuding vibes that he's somehow more deserving of an engagement because they've been together longer. I detect this vibe through his tone, and telling me that I need to be more considerate of my parents while planning my wedding "because they're immigrants". He also passive aggressively indicated that he was planing to propose in March because he wanted to "let some time pass before we were engaged". They will definitely have a more conventional sequence of events then we will but I don't think this makes their union any more legitimate than ours.
Where is it written that you have to be together X amount of years to "deserve" to get married? This is really bothering me and has made me paranoid about what my parents think. I'm trying to decide if I should talk to my parents, brother or both, or if it's even worth it, as I am a grown ass woman who is entitled to her own decisions without worrying what others think. I really don't want this to mask my new year or excitement about my wedding. Is there something I should do to rectify this, or proceed as usual and take some space for myself in the coming months? I haven't communicated with my brother for over a week now which is unusual, as we're constantly sending each other memes or jokes.
TLDR; getting guilt vibes from my younger brother that he deserved to have gotten engaged before me because of longer relationship, that I'm wronging my parents by having a non-traditional wedding.
Submitted January 02, 2020 at 12:29PM by excludemein https://ift.tt/35kf3u5
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