My [29F] boyfriend [28M] cheated on me during the first month of our relationship. Today, I found out.

Tl;dr at bottom.

We've been in a relationship for over a year. When we first met, he told me that he was amazed by how quickly he fell in love with me. And that after his last relationship, he didn't think he'd feel anything anymore until he met me. The usual.

I found out because he hadn't closed the conversation with his ex on his iPad. Curiosity got a hold of me and I scrolled up to see when he had last replied. I found out that they had been talking about missing eachother and loving eachother. She had sent him a nude, he replied that she still looked good. He told her how she still managed to drive him crazy. They talked about meeting and when she asked if she was allowed to kiss him he replied that she should do whatever feels good to her.

She asked him if he had had sex lately and he told her that that was the last thing on his mind, except for her. They apparently did meet and afterwards he told her that it felt better than he expected. Lots more of that kind of crap in the conversation.

All of this took place during the first month and a half of my relationship with him. I was and still am absolutely devastated. He never mentioned me. He only spoke about not wanting to lose her and still thinking about her. He also told her that the engagement ring he gave her still meant a lot to him. The promise was still standing. Then suddenly he started ignoring her. That must have happened around the first time I got suspicious. I confronted him back then and he denied talking to her, he told me he didn't even read her messages. So today when I found out I took screenshots and confronted him again. We had a huge fight and it basically came down to him blaming me for causing this 'almost-breakup' and that it happened over a year ago so I have no reason to be mad or hurt. He refused to apologize because apparently he forgot that he cheated on me with her. He also said he didn't want to hear a single word about it anymore, and if I did mention it again, he'd dump me.

I love him so much, and a part of me wants to hold on to him. But obviously this has broken my trust and my heart. I've bawled my eyes out. Stupid ol' me decided to not break up because I can't face losing him. Other than this our relationship has overall been great aside from a couple of times he's lied to me (also about other girls). I didn't want to break up, but now I'm having second thoughts. We also still had sex and cuddled even though I knew I was gonna feel used, which now of course is the case. I'm disgusted with both him and myself.

I feel sick and don't know what to do. Yup, I'm dumb. Foolishly in love.

Tl;dr: boyfriend cheated on me, blames me for almost breaking up, and refuses to apologize.

Edit: I'm so overwhelmed by all your replies. It feels bittersweet, I'm thankful for each and every one of you for your advice and for looking out for me. The truth is hitting hard though, and I just can't handle the reality. Everyone I've talked to about this has the same opinion.. Dump him. Tomorrow will probably be the day. If I can find the courage to do so. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, and thanks for the gold. You know who you are and so do I.

Submitted September 24, 2019 at 04:37PM by Biklis https://ift.tt/2lkoJnC