This is a long one. Skip the first two paragraphs if you don't care about the backstory. Tldr; at the end.
My father and I have had a very rocky relationship. I am an only child and my parents divorced when I was two years old, custody being my mom having me on the weekdays and the weekends with my dad. I've been told that I was my dad's whole world and he spoiled me rotten - up until I was four and he met the woman who became my step-mom. I'm not going to get into the details of this woman except to say that she is a vile manipulative narcissist and was extremely mentally and emotionally abusive. My dad is a very passive person (he was diagnosed with asperger's syndrome in the last decade) and she saw his as an easy target.
My step-mom drove a huge wedge between me and my father the moment they were married. I was the biggest target to the abuse and I honestly don't believe my father saw the majority of what was going on. They never had children together. I left his house for good when I fourteen and was NC with them until I graduated high school. Our relationship improved with some major hiccups along the way.
My dad separated from my step-mom a few years ago and him and I are extremely close now; he's my best friend. His health was already starting to decline in the last decade but it's gotten so much worse. Within the last year he's had to start regularly seeing five new specialists in addition to the three specialists and one family doctor that he's been with for several years. He was recently diagnosed with coronary heart disease on the left side and it's heavily affecting his breathing. He gets out of breath walking ten feet. He's so weak that he has to brace himself against a wall for a minute after going up the one step into my apartment. He lost twenty lbs in a month. His appetite is completely gone.
He still works full time and says he can't retire early so he still has at least five years of working. His work life is terrible and the stress is obviously wearing on him. He pays into a long term disability but he doesn't seem to want to look into it. I'm absolutely terrified he's going to die before retirement. His breathing reminds me of someone on oxygen. I went through similar issues with my mom but never anything like this with my dad. He was completely cut off from his friends and family when he married my step-mom so his family is his brother, me, my boyfriend and the occasional contact with his stepchildren. My step-siblings don't seem to be concerned with his health, however I don't speak to them other than the odd Facebook comment.
I feel like I missed out on so much time with him. After I saw him stumble out of my apartment today, I just broke down. He looks like my 85 year old grandfather, complete with the bent back for stability, the shuffling and the wheezing. I don't have any pictures with him, he left them at his house when he moved out. I don't have any momentos whatsoever of my childhood with him.
The biggest positive that I've found is that he was regularly seeing his doctors so they were able to catch problems as they popped up, so they hopefully weren't festering for long.
He has so many dreams of retirement and traveling but I'm scared he won't get to fulfill them.
I guess I'm not sure what I'm looking for posting here. Maybe advice from people who have gone through this? What are ways I can make memories with someone who can't walk or stand and refuses to use mobility assistance? And on the financial side, do I push looking into his long term disability? Or really any reassurance I guess, because I'm basically freaking out.
Tldr; my senior father is going through a very rough spell regarding his health. I'm being faced with his mortality and I'm freaking out.
Submitted February 24, 2019 at 08:28PM by baddaycheerup https://ift.tt/2H2HpR0
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