I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We’ve been through some crazy shit together that a lot of couples would call it quits over.
Thankfully, we haven’t. But he’s considering it. I’m gonna be brutally honest. I’m LAZY. I hate cleaning and I get overwhelmed easily for no reason. I hardly vacuum or dust or straighten up. I hate living this way just as much as he does. But I can’t bring myself to keep the place tidy. I have zero motivation. And I want to change this so bad. I want to keep the house clean. I want to cook for him. I don’t know what else to do.
We’re about to move into a beautiful home together. He’s giving me another chance to keep this place nice. It’s a beautiful home. Pond view from the backyard, 3 bedrooms, the works. And I want to keep it clean. I’m terrified to fuck up royally and go back to my old lazy ways and ruin everything.
I suffer with anxiety and diagnosed depression and getting out of bed and not laying in bed till 1 in the afternoon on my phone is hard. He’s gone for a month at a time with work so he expects a clean house when he gets home. Which I get 100%. But I’m struggling. I’m a horrible human who can’t do anything. I can’t clean correctly or cook to save my life. I’m trying, but I can’t keep the house tidy at all.
The added bonus being he pays for everything. I’m in school. I work. But he pays the rent, car payments, water, electric, everything. I don’t pay a penny. I feel so guilty. So. Guilty. Which adds on the anxiety aspect. I’ve talked to him about contributing when we move and I definitely am. I want to earn his trust back. I want him to be excited to come home.
We’ve been going back and forth contemplating breaking up for the past week. And I’m really upset. And I don’t want to. I love him to pieces. And I 100% agree that I’m acting like a child. I don’t want to lose him. And he’s being very fair in putting up with me not doing anything.
I don’t know what to do. I need help or advice, just something to start with.
TL;DR I’m a lazy piece of depressed trash and can’t do anything and my boyfriend is upset. We’re on the verge of a breakup. How do I change for the better?
Edit: alright guys it’s almost 4 in the morning and I can’t sleep at all. Thank you all so much for the advice. I’ve cried and laughed more tonight than I have in a long time. I’ll try to reply to everyone who posts while asleep, tomorrow. I’m so grateful for every single one of you.
Submitted January 27, 2019 at 05:04PM by lazythrowaway22900 http://bit.ly/2B5DcIK
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