Hi, I’m a long time lurker but first time poster. Been dealing with this issue and I’m looking for any advice.
My best friend (24) and I (23) have been friends since elementary school. We’ve always been close. After college, we both moved back to our hometown. I got a job, she started graduate school. Everything seemed fine and dandy. I realize now it’s not. There’s a laundry list of things going wrong but I’m going to sum up the biggest problem.
Last summer (2017) my friend started losing weight and became obsessed with her relationship. I’m fine with this. But around this time she started dropping plans last minute without telling me. For example, we were supposed to see a movie one weekend. We agreed on Saturday, at around 11:30. Saturday rolls around and I haven’t heard from her. So I texted her asking if we’re still seeing the movie. She told me she saw it with her boyfriend and doesn’t acknowledge we had plans. I was pissed but I understood. I assumed it’s because she’s very into the boyfriend or forgot. All is forgiven.
It’s happened multiple times now, the boyfriend is long gone, and she doesn’t see the problem I have with it. I’ve called her out on it. She seems to shrug it off and continues to do it, and then expects me to be there when she needs to be babysat. Yes, babysat. She feels that she can’t do her homework without motivation and that it is my duty to sit and help her, and that there’s no reason for me to go home and do my work in the comfort of my own house. In the meantime, she’ll do her work, but many times do skype calls with other friends or watch tv shows with her headphones on, treating me literally like a babysitter. EDIT: She usually doesn’t tell me that she’s doing this and I don’t drive so once I’m at her place I usually can’t leave until morning. Additionally, her parents leave to go to their vacation house and she asks me to stay at her house for the entire weekend, forcing me to move my entire work situation for her. She claims she can drive me to my job in the morning, but it’s a fight every morning to get there on time and to deal with her mood. Not to mention that her dog wakes up in the middle of the night and instead letting me sleep somewhere else in the house, she follows me, bringing the loud dog, so I’m exhausted for work the next day.
I’ve tried to distance myself, and every time she seems to get it, she starts again. We were supposed to hangout Saturday, I told her I had to work during the day, but I would be free in the evening. I told her to let me know when she’s done with her work. She argued that I should be able to do my work at her house. I told her I didn’t have my stuff and that there was stuff I needed to do at home. We live five minutes apart, so it’s really not like it takes a lot of effort to get from one place to the other. So I got home. I wait, get my stuff done. Around 7, she texts me to let me know she already did what we had planned to do. Didn’t acknowledge we had planned to get together and do stuff later on. Then asks me if we’re still on for me to stay with her this weekend. I can’t think of any reason not to go over, but I’m also really sick of this behavior. She expects she can ditch me and I’ll keep helping her when she has no consideration for my own life.
We’ve planned to go on vacation together in a few weeks but I’m honestly worried that her behavior is going to ruin it and make it impossible to enjoy myself. I’m at the point where I’m at a loss for what to do outside of ending the friendship.
TL;DR: My best friend keeps ditching our plans and expects me to babysit her. I can’t seem to get her to understand what’s wrong with this. What do I do about this?
Submitted November 01, 2018 at 07:20AM by GoatRunner23 https://ift.tt/2yMkK6D
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