My boyfriend of 5 years proposed to me a few months ago. He scrimped and saved and gave up things he wanted for years in order to buy me my dream ring. I have been over the moon and we have been having so much fun planning our wedding and talking about our future together. We have never had any major conflicts in our relationship, and we have always been able to work through disagreements by communicating and being willing to listen to the other person’s perspective. We have the same values and we want the same things out of life. My fiancé is kind, hard-working, selfless, and always there for me. Since we’ve gotten engaged, I’ve been feeling like it’s all just too good to be true. (Spoiler alert - it was.)
A few nights ago, fiancé lets me know he’s going out for drinks after work with coworkers. They go out after work once a month or so, no big deal. I go to bed before he gets home since I get up at 4am for work. Next thing I know, my alarm is going off and I wake up and realize fiancé is not there. I check my phone - no calls or texts from him. I immediately start freaking out, thinking he was in an accident or something horrible happened to him. He has never not come home like this. I call him and he picks up and says he’s in an uber and is a few minutes away. He gets home and says that his coworkers, after several rounds at the bar, suggested having an “impromptu bachelor party” for him, so they went to the casino. He apologized for not texting me to let me know where he was, and we laughed about the rough morning he was going to have in a few hours, and he went to sleep and I went to work.
Since then, he’s seemed a little off, not really wanting to eat, doting on me a little extra than usual, etc. Yesterday, he sat me down and said he needed to be honest with me about the other night. He started by saying that they didn’t actually spend the whole night at the casino, but went to a strip club afterwards. At first I was like, ok whatever. I really have no problem with that at all. But then he started going into more detail, explaining that his coworkers pressured him into letting them buy him time in a private room. He says he wasn’t thinking, was really drunk, and just went along with it. He says all he remembers is getting a lap dance and touching her boobs. When she tried to unzip his pants, he stopped her. He says details are fuzzy, but that’s all he remembers happening.
I am devastated. I never in a million years imagined him doing something like this. I don’t know what I’m more upset about - the fact that he did this, or the fact that he was so easily influenced by these people that I think are trash (I don’t hang out with his work “friends” because I think they’re douchey and not nice people - two of them regularly brag about cheating on their wives). My fiancé doesn’t really consider them friends, but works in a very small office and feels like he has to be social. Not trying to excuse his actions - he is 100% responsible for his dumb choices.
Anyway, he is extremely remorseful. He is doing anything and everything to try and make up for it. I told him he needed to get a full STD test done (he is “sure” nothing happened but I am not taking ANY risks when it comes to my health) and that we were going to need counseling. He immediately made appointments for both. He has been so upset, promising to spend the rest of his life making it up to me and earning my trust back. He actually has a new job lined up that starts in a few weeks, which is good since we both agreed that he needs to be out of his current environment if our relationship is going to survive. He never wants to see or talk to anyone he works with ever again after quitting.
I want to forgive him and move forward. I think what he did is forgivable, especially considering the way he’s handled it. I just don’t know if I’m saying that this behavior is acceptable if I stay with him. Does staying with him mean I have no dignity or self-worth? On the other hand, would I regret ending an otherwise great relationship and giving up my future husband over this?
TLDR - basically the title. Fiancé came clean and has been remorseful and willing to do whatever it takes to save our relationship.
Submitted October 28, 2018 at 07:34AM by throwaway63409 https://ift.tt/2AvRAdm
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