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Am I (30F) a jerk if I have cosmetic surgery behind my SO's (29M) back?

BF and I started dating 1.5 years ago, we've been exclusive/committed just over 1 year. What I'm going to say might make him sound like a jerk, but I swear he is a wonderful, loving, and accepting person, and his jerk-ness in this situation is very out of character for him and has a clear cause.

BF is fortunate in that he basically won the genetic lottery. Despite eating loads of fast food and NEVER exercising, he's thin (BMI 20) and muscular--looks like a dedicated swimmer or runner. He has flawless hair, skin, and teeth, symmetrical face, he's tall, he's just objectively very attractive with no out-of-place features. He's a humble person and not the least bit conceited about his good looks, but he's never really had anything physical that's made him feel very self-conscious, and that's given him a lack of empathy when it comes to cosmetic surgery. He thinks it's vain and stupid and says he can't understand what people are possibly trying to accomplish by changing their appearance for no reason, blah blah blah. He'll concede it's understandable in cases like reconstructive surgery to correct a deformity or injury, or breast reduction to fix a sore back, etc., but he thinks anything that's "just for looks" is the stupidest thing ever.

I'm decent-looking overall, but I do have one feature that's always bothered me and I've decided to have cosmetic surgery to deal with it. Despite always having a normal BMI and being in reasonable shape, I have always had a weirdly large amount of fat on my pubic mound that's made me self-conscious almost all my life. It sticks out far enough that I cannot wear anything fitted around that area, which means no fitted dresses/skirts, no slacks, etc. I work in a business-attire office, so my wardrobe is extremely limited: I can only wear flowy dresses/skirts, or slacks with a tunic long enough to cover my crotch. Neither option is my style at all, but I look like a fucking guy with a crotch-bulge if I wear anything remotely fitted. And I know it's not just me imagining it, because every single sexual partner I've ever had has commented on it, usually in an affectionate way (or gentle ribbing at worst). I still feel self-conscious every time I'm with a new partner--nobody has ever been rude about it, but the fear is always there that somebody will be and that would really hurt. Again, I'm a healthy weight so slimming down isn't a great option and I doubt it would help anyway, and there isn't really anything I can do to "tone" this area. I feel like my only option is cosmetic surgery, and I'm really looking forward to not having to deal with this issue anymore.

The conundrum is whether to tell BF. I know he'll give me a super hard time about it and try to talk me out of it, ask me WHY with great exasperation and roll his eyes at whatever explanation I give. I know he wouldn't dump me over it, I just really don't want to deal with his judgment, and it's not going to affect him in any way. I'm paying for it on my own (we don't share or see each others' finances), and the procedure I'm having is a non-invasive, gradual fat reduction done over 4-6 visits. It's supposed to be pretty painless and no incisions or downtime/aftercare like with traditional liposuction. It's not like he'll have to take care of me after surgery or anything. I frequently work long hours and the cosmetic surgeon is just a few blocks from my office, so I've been planning to just let him think I'm working late those days and lie by omission. Plus, I feel like it's my body and I don't owe him any explanation of what I do with it, especially if it's something I think he'll be unjustifiably judgmental about. I've also never mentioned that this thing bothers me, and I don't want to have a conversation with him about how "it's not even that bad" or any other unhelpful platitude I know he'd throw out. It's frankly extremely embarrassing to talk about even with somebody who's ultra supportive, let alone somebody who would think I'm dumb for paying money to change it. It would be super easy to hide with a few white lies, and he'd never know the difference. (Also, I've recently started a new workout routine, so if he happened to notice on his own, which I really doubt he'd comment on, I'd just shrug and chalk it up to my new regimen.)

On the other hand, apart from my feminist conviction that it's my body and I don't owe him any explanation, there's the lived reality of actual human beings, and this is an actual human being who loves me and cares about me and would be understandably hurt if he knew I lied to him about anything. I know I'd be weirdly hurt if he deliberately kept something like this from me. We spend 4-5 nights a week together, we see each other every day, talk about our days and anything we have going on. While I don't "owe him" telling him about this, I would definitely have to lie a bit to keep it secret, even if only lying by omission, and that just feels like I'm breaching his trust, which isn't right. What should I do?

TLDR: My boyfriend is a Greek god who thinks cosmetic surgery is for idiots. I am getting cosmetic surgery for something that's bothered me all my life and severely limits my work wardrobe. I don't want to tell him because I fear he'll be judgmental, & it's my own body and money, & and it's an exra embarrassing conversation because it's about my pubic area. It won't affect him and I could easily keep it a secret, but I'd have to lie by omission and that feels like a shitty thing to do.



Submitted October 01, 2018 at 04:15PM by squeezymcbreezy https://ift.tt/2xUndLI
Am I (30F) a jerk if I have cosmetic surgery behind my SO's (29M) back? Am I (30F) a jerk if I have cosmetic surgery behind my SO's (29M) back? Reviewed by KING SAMUEL on October 01, 2018 Rating: 5

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