Need some relationship advice. Been together 4 years, married for almost 1. My (34f) wife (34f) and I are both doctors and professionals just in different fields. When she was in residency and I was in grad school, I did the majority of chores and all the cooking. Now that we’re both post training and in our ‘big girl’ jobs, we split housework, but I’m still doing all the cooking. I work 8-630pm most days, while she usually works 7-3pm, with the occasional 12hr day once a month. I do 12/hr days once a week if not for a week straight depending on the project I’m leading. All this to say, while I work more than she does, she makes twice (300k) what I do (150k) as a high-end surgeon, and because of this (and I think her upbringing where cooking is seen as strictly women’s/sexist work), she refuses to cook, learn to cook, and just won’t. I cook probably 4-5x a week, and we order the rest. So what’s wrong with this arrangement?^
1, we want to have kids soon, and I think family meals at home are an important part of family life. 2, she loves when either I or her mother cook because let’s face it, we all love a good home cooked meal; it makes us feel loved and familial in a way take out doesn’t. 3, it’s healthier and cheaper. 4, I don’t want my kids to think it’s okay not to know how to cook or to not ever cook for your loved ones. It’s an act of service and an act of love since the camp fire was invented. Plus, is once or twice a week, even something super easy, really asking too much? I really don’t think so.
What’s more, she gets extremely upset (like furious yelling) if, like tonight, I say, “so you’re just never gonna cook the rest of our lives”? (I suggested she pan fry ready-made dumplings and stir fry veggies I already chopped). Because in her mind it means I don’t appreciate that she makes a lot of money, which isn’t true. (Gonna talk this out in counseling but I’m curious what y’all think before my session Thursday night.) Thanks so much.
TLDR: Is it acceptable to be like “well, I make a lot of money, so I don’t ever have to cook”?
Submitted December 06, 2022 at 07:43PM by Judith_Slays https://ift.tt/FsZJE4M
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