My mum’s (70) neighbour (40s, M) seems to be taking too much of an interest in her. I’m concerned but not sure if I should be

My mum is physically and mentally disabled. She relies on a wheeled walker to get around but isn’t fully stable and has had falls in the past. She’s also schizophrenic with early stage dementia. Hence, she’s exceptionally vulnerable both physically and mentally.

She moved into a new flat about 2 months ago and one of her upstairs neighbours, a male in his 40s, seems to be taking an unusual interest in her.

I’ve met this guy (let’s call him Bob for ease) a few times and he always seems overly interested in my mum. He gazes at her intently and when I’ve tried to talk to him, he largely ignores me and barely breaks eye contact with her. He stops her every time we happen to see him when we’re going out, and seems caught on every word she says, even when it’s nonsensical word salad (due to schizophrenia). He’s taken in and delivered parcels to her when everyone else just leaves neighbours’ stuff on a chair in the communal entrance. He goes out of his way to be nice to her, it’s almost like he has a crush but no rational man in his 40s is going to be attracted to an exceptionally vulnerable 70 yo woman with complex physical and mental care needs.

Now, I’m autistic so I initially put it down to him possibly being on the spectrum, especially as the building was initially sheltered housing (it’s now an over 40s scheme) but I feel like even accounting for possible social difficulties, he’s a bit too friendly.

Yesterday, I left my mother’s property around 4pm then returned around 90 minutes later to drop off a prescription, and I found her all flustered and irritable. She told me that Bob had rang her doorbell steaming drunk asking to be let in. He claimed he forgot his fob. Because the flats are so small and closely packed, you can hear when someone rings a neighbour’s bell. According to my mum, he didn’t try any one else’s bell, he went straight to hers.

Now, he knows my mum is very physically disabled so it seemed strange he’d ring her bell. Her two other neighbours are in their 40s and physically fit so why not ring them? I feel like most people would try to avoid bothering an elderly disabled person.

His reason also made no sense to me - apparently he’d forgot his fob, but had his individual door key? You’d keep them together since you’ll always need them as a pair to get in. I could see him forgetting both, but not one. Further, there’s 3 keysafes outside the flat with spare fobs for this exact scenario. Three safes to 4 flats makes it quite likely imo that he’d have the code to at least one of them.

So he somehow forgot his fob but not his key, didn’t have access to any of the 3 key safes with spare fobs, and rather than call his immediate and much younger neighbours for assistance, he went straight to the most vulnerable person in the property??

Fast forward to 8am today and my mum informed me he’s left her a bunch of red carnations in the Christmas wreath she has hanging on the outside of her door. Not on the floor - in the wreath. We’re not sure when he did this but she didn’t hear anything last night or this morning so that makes me think he’s crept over in the middle of the night while she (and everyone else) has been asleep. No one has curtains on their flat doors because the glass is heavily frosted but you can still see shadows, lights, and silhouettes. It makes me uncomfortable that he approached her door in the middle of the night to place flowers in the wreath. Like I said he can’t really see anything but it just strikes me as odd.

I feel like somethings wrong here and I’m not sure what to do about it. Can anyone advise on what might be going on, and what action, if any, I should take? I almost feel like he’s grooming her.

I’ve spoke to my mum about this and explained his behaviour feels off but she got offended because she liked the flowers and thinks they were an apology for his drunkenness last night.

I honestly can’t tell if this is just a potentially autistic individual who isn’t aware of the social etiquette of certain things, or if this is something more sinister.

How do I approach this? Do I speak to him? Do I inform someone of my concerns (I don’t know his name or flat number)?

My gut is telling me something’s wrong but I have no idea what to do.

TL;DR mum’s neighbour is being overly friendly and left her carnations in the middle of the night. My mum is vulnerable and I’m concerned there’s something sinister going on.

Submitted December 02, 2022 at 03:33AM by Anniemaniac https://ift.tt/AveSshz