Basically the title. My (26f) fiancé (25m) works a very draining job in the ER where he has to see and deal with everything from drunk drivers who just hit and killed a 5 yr old and need to be medically cleared by police, to being attacked by people when they’re high on drugs, to convincing Alzheimer’s patients to not grope or attack staff helping them. Along with seeing the traumas that come to the ER and people die on a day to day basis. Just the worst of the worst. He comes home after his graveyard shift and has a sour tone to his voice a lot of times. He’s short with me and even on his days off he has this attitude. He has his good moments but they don’t last. He doesn’t take accountability for anything he does wrong. He lashes out and says cruel things that he knows will sting. He is distant and avoidant when there’s conflict. He reacts and doesn’t listen when I try to communicate needs and talk through problems. He deflects when he is the reason something could be wrong.
Then he goes and smokes a joint.
He comes back giggly. He slowly creeps up to me. He apologizes for any attitude or things he did or said to wrong me. He takes accountability. He listens. He’s calm. He shows patience. He suddenly acts caring towards my needs. And then thinks everything is fine because he did his part. I’ve been thankful for this a few times when things were really bad but it’s getting old. How are we supposed to grow together when you can’t even handle communicating calm and collectively without being high. And it doesn’t feel like we’re making much progress because it’s the same cycle like the next day or so.
He absolutely refuses therapy because “it’s not for him”. And he has like 1 hobby that doesn’t even fill his time. He doesn’t hang out with friends or reach out to them. He doesn’t keep up on any other healthy outlets like he used to. We try to do fun stuff together on our weekends and most weekends aren’t terrible because he’s high the whole time. But it just like doesn’t feel 100% right and I’m getting tired of him not working on his behaviors sober.
It’s probably going to be hectic but he is someone’s I want to spend my life with. I’m very big on wanting growth and learning how to better myself over time but I want my partner to be able to do that as well. Isn’t that what being married is about? Growth and overcoming bumps in life together? He’s said he wants to better himself too and grow but he hasn’t taken any action. All talk so far.. Has anyone overcome anything similar with their partner?
TLDR: My fiancé has a bad attitude and problems with taking accountability and then when smokes weed he does a 180 on me and tells me everything I want to hear to make the situations better.
Submitted October 04, 2022 at 10:53AM by throwaway66626262 https://ift.tt/Zp4n1jh
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