We've been together for 3 years, engaged for two months.
I come from a highly formally educated family- both my folks have masters degrees, 3 of 4 of my grandparents attended college, and one of my siblings has a PhD. I've got my undergrad but personally wouldn't have gone through with it had it not been on full scholarship... which I got because I had insane tiger parents. I've had a lovely career in a different field than I studied, and will not be treating my children in close to the same manner.
Fiance was not as fortunate. His family didn't put any value on education, so he was never pushed to be a good student (and very likely had a learning disorder that was never addressed). His dad ditched the family when he was 16 and he went to work to support his mom. He's highly intelligent and a hard worker, but he can come across as ignorant- his basic history knowledge is patchy, he struggles with writing, and he doesn't use proper grammar when he speaks. This hasn't been a hurdle in his professional or personal life, though.
My parents haven't been very accepting of this. They only met him a few times while we were dating, since they live across the country from me and don't visit much. They were cold to him and kept leaving him out of conversation, even when it was on a subject my fiance knows something about. Since we've gotten engaged, they've been begging me to turn him down and "move on", with various hypothetical scenarios of how awful my life will be if I marry someone lacking an education. I've told them point blank they don't have any say in this decision and I've been ignoring them since then.
I'm fine limiting contact with my folks until they come around. They will eventually accept the situation (they behaved similarly when one sibling married at 21 and another enlisted in the military), but its going to take longer than we'll be engaged. Its also not important to me to have a super close relationship with them. There have been periods of my life were we don't have any relationship. They aren't the greatest people and I've gone all of my adult life without their financial or emotional support.
However, fiance is incredibly upset and wants them to like him. He knew this was going to be a possibility, but the reality hit him like a steamroller. I tried to prepare him for it as best I could... but given my parents don't visit often (and we have jobs that prevent us from flying clear across 3 time zones much), there weren't enough opportunities for him to see what kind of assholes they can be. He also Really doesn't like the idea of limiting contact with my parents, though. He's tight with his own family and can't fathom the idea of mine being cut out.
I'm not sure how to intervene on both fronts. My folks are going to need time in years to get used to this reality, and I'm not going to be able to force them to accept him. I don't think I can get my fiance to just let the situation go and wait it out with me, though.
Tl;dr- Parents don't support my engagement because my fiance doesn't have an education. I don't care but he really does.
Submitted October 04, 2022 at 09:27AM by seschb https://ift.tt/ZLGHe93
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