How Do I Let My Partner Know That My Relationship With My Friends Can Be Just As Important As His Relationship With His Family?

I (27M) have been with my partner (28M) for almost 3 years. I am an only child, he has an older brother and an older sister. I am from Denver, he is from Cleveland and we live in Washington DC. My family and most of my friends live in Colorado, where his brother also lives. His sister and parents live in Ohio. I am becoming frustrated (though I wonder if I am being unfair) because every time the holidays come around I feel like I have to fight to spend time with the friends that I care about.

When we are in Cleveland I don't have friends or family there, so all of my time and attention is available to be with his family and friends. However, when we are in Denver I have to split my time up between my family, my friends, and his brother and sister-in-law. Which at first, I was amenable to because I understand it's important to be with family when you can be.

However, I have a different relationship with my friends than my partner does with his. I have 5 best friends. Of course I have work friends, and good friends in DC, but the people I am closest to, whose parents, siblings, and families I chat with on my own, live in Colorado. My partner doesn't really have this kind of relationship with his closer and older friends. He sees them when he can, but his priority is always to see his family (which isn't a bad thing), and if he doesn't see his friends he's not too disappointed. However, when in Denver, it's sort of like pulling teeth to spend time with my friends, because my partner prefers to spend any time away from my family with his brother while we are there, and I m actually quite disappointed when I don't get the chance to see my friends when I'm in town.

So when I asked my partner if we could join one of my best friends, Henry, in South Carolina for Thanksgiving to spend time with his parents, whom I love and get along with very well, and for them to meet my partner, he was very hesitant. He says that holidays like that are for family and that it would be rude to his family if we spent Thanksgiving away from them to be with people other than my family.

However, I think it's rude to turn down this Thanksgiving invitation. This family is very dear to me, so much so that my own family is encouraging me to spend Thanksgiving with them because they are such a big part of my life. How do I convince my partner that, although these people aren't blood relatives, it's important to me that I maintain my relationship with them, and share special moments with him and them as well?

TL;DR - My partner thinks familial relationships hold more weight than friendships, and because of this I don't get to spend as much time with my friends as I would like. I am also going to potentially miss out on spending a holiday with a friend's family that is important to me, because my partner thinks it's rude to spend holidays with friends over family.

Submitted October 12, 2022 at 07:20AM by SoYoung_SoHigh https://ift.tt/PheRc3W