Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/w2rgsu/friend_fallen_into_toxic_victimhood_how_to_help/
**Mention of death
5 days after the post: We went with the cafe setting outside, in public, thinking it would help because Gus hates being the center of attention. HA. Hubs and I rehearsed our points, and talked about what we would do if this or that happened (Lots of WTF and thinking back and feeling stupid, but it's life and we're only human).
We get directed to the table and order, and I go use the bathroom, and pay inside with the cashier/hostess/server gal and let her know that we won't need any refills or extras (just 3 coffees), that we're going to sit there about 10min and walk off with our napkin trash. I come back and Hubs gives me the look that says go time. We're walking away, and when Gus brings up work and how I've had to move our HazMat center and made his life a hell, Hubs went on the offensive and interrupted Gus. Hubs told him how he can't handle hearing about how everyone else in the world has made Gus's life miserable, that when he speaks the only things that have come out these past moons have been hateful negativity and he just can't take it anymore. Gus asked for examples, and we took turns bringing one up and then backing the other up with those points. Gus stopped us and said he thought we were all friends. I asked him if he remembered the last conversation we really had about anything other than his woes, and he couldn't. Hubs asked Gus if he remembered when Hubs was talking to Gus about our family-member passing away in a brutal manner earlier this year, Gus told us (verbatim),"Oh yeah, I remember when my family-member died, it wasn't that big a deal," and then talked about his own parents. We told him its been so long since he's been friendly with us, we've forgotten when it was.
I was good and riled by this point, and Gus asked what we expected, we told him we can't be his friends anymore, and it feels like we were let go a long time ago, but all he's done is stab me in the back and try to twist. I told him I "know everything about what you've tried to do to me at work, and I know everything that you've told to X, X, X, X, and X." We had rounded back to where he parked, and just walked off.
We decided to park a ways away so it was a good 1mi walk to our car on purpose, and that's when he started calling our phones. Gus followed us from a small distance as we speed-walked away, and went between whine-shouting, calling and yelling, and then finally he started to sound like he was sobbing, but we just kept walking away as fast as we could without looking like lunatics. Finally we got to the car, and we go home. That felt like hours because I was mortified, but we never even looked back at him and kept straight faced talking about it as we walked. I have no idea how far he followed us.
Then my superior calls about 3hr later, and "Someone" is filing harassment claims at work against me with such wording, that HR came out of their offices and they asked me to come in outside of my work schedule. I went, clocked in, and was asked to open up my work email on 3 computers. They read all kinds of documents I keep, all the correspondence in my dept. separated folders, TEAMS, emails to record retention that I had Gus-Orange coded, everything I've ever sent that had Gus or Gus accessories attached to it. I could clearly see they only went to Gus-Orange. It took over an hour, and they asked me to keep these logged in. My superior told me I could go home, and just come back on my next work day. HR was actually super pleasant about everything. I just acted like it was any other day with my cheery work-self, but inside I am a seething ball of piss and vinegar and rage. I'm not stupid enough to (re)act to it, and just kindof smile and say goodbye to everyone and go.
I told Hubs the basics, and we went on a tangent together about it. Once our collective outrage had simmered off and we got back to rational discussions, it was just relief. It's done, and HR and superior know I have nothing to hide, so why let it suck my energy and happiness. Now I'm just thanking myself for not cleaning out anything and over-communicating to my superior. No word came from Gus after that first day, and when I go in his shift is leaving with a 30min layover. I haven't seen him in days and it's been pretty great.
TL;DR: Ex-friend was explained to, went through the stages of grief in public while we mom-walked away, called HR on me same day, and we have nothing but relief and quiet now.
Submitted August 06, 2022 at 03:49AM by weliketoruinjokes https://ift.tt/iN0dQFM
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