I could really use some advice. I guess I’m hoping for a long shot that someone is similar to me and has figured it out. Or any advice that might help. I’m at my wits end with myself. I’m 36,f. I’ve been in my relationship (male, 36) for 6 years and we have 3 kids together. I’ve known him for several years and we previously dated at 17/18.
He’s complained since about 6 months in to this relationship that I don’t talk much. I’m too quiet, too serious/don’t play enough, etc. But the thing is, he’s not the only one who has complained of this. My ex before him said the same. I remember feeling this way in high school relationships as well. Like I just didn’t have much to say but wanted to. I would just sit and over analyze everything until I never said anything at all. That’s not quite the case anymore, but I just kind of keep quiet a lot of the time. And often times don’t really know what to talk about. I feel like I just don’t have much to even share. I talk about work and the kids with him but that’s about it. I feel like I just don’t know how to engage with people at any depth.
I do really well on a surface level with people. I’m friendly, people gravitate towards me. But when it comes to building meaningful, quality relationships I fall short. I’m introverted mostly, so I don’t reach out to people maybe as often as I could. I have found myself not being invited to things anymore or thought of like other people are. I just had a baby for example and I’m part of a mom group. I can’t get together with them as often because I work, but I try to go to other things. One of the other moms who I’m closest to also just had a baby. Everyone from the group brought her meals and went to see the baby. I’ve gotten a couple texts, but that’s it. I know I’m not a “regular” like she is, but it hurt. Although I think I’m the one to blame.
My lack of communication/conversation is likely the culprit here too.
It’s starting to really frustrate my partner. He keeps bringing it up. He feels I’m more engaging with people at work (he over hears my conference calls) than I am with him. Which, is true but I also explain it’s superficial conversations with them. And after talking to people throughout the day my energy is depleted so I enjoy the quiet time. He’s introverted as well, so kind of understands. But he loves to have long conversations with people and this is something he’s missing with me.
I’d love to change this though. Not just for him but because it’s always bothered me about myself. I want to learn how to engage more deeply for my kids sake and to be able to make better friends. I haven’t had a really close friend in about 12 years. They’re all more distant friendships and people I catch up with a couple times a year. It makes me sad but I don’t know where to even start to change this.
And no, I do not have any neurodivergent disorders. I’m a bit socially awkward at times but other times can be really charming and pleasant to be around. But it’s like short bursts of this. It take a lot of my energy to be this way.
TL;DR I am a quiet person and don’t know how to be more engaging in any depth and it’s effecting my relationship, friendships and relationships with my children. Please help.
Submitted August 12, 2022 at 11:31PM by Ok-Temperature6003 https://ift.tt/2raFb89
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