Hi Reddit, I'm wondering whether I'm justified in asking my housemate to move out or if I'm being unfair. And if I'm justified, what is a respectful way to do it?
We applied for the house together and when we were successful she hesitated last minute and said she was weighing up living with another friend. I signed the lease alone and paid double rent (which was significant) for 2 weeks while she made up her mind. 🚩
She is doing her PHD on a scholarship so she doesn't work set hours but she seems to have A LOT of free time. I work Mon-Fri in quite a high-stress job that I take really seriously.
She comes home drunk in the middle of the night on weekdays, often multiple times a week. Our dogs bark, she brings friends home, plays music, turns all the lights on, has super loud sex. It's really affecting my sleep and work.
Recently she had really loud sex while I was on an important work zoom call where I've had to mute myself. It was AWKWARD.
She's let her friends play with my expensive music gear when I've asked not to. She uses all my bathroom products, food for my pets, and drinks my alcohol. I'm embarrassed to say, I bought a pet camera mainly because I don't trust her as I know she's gone into my room to take things.
The washing machines is always full of her stuff and every basket taken up. Her room is pretty disgusting and I'm worried about my bond tbh. She's let her friend leave all this stuff in our garage for weeks so we can't use it.
Multiple times I've come home for a weekend away to find her dog has gone to the bathroom inside (not just one accident but all over the place). It's well toilet trained so it's obviously been left alone for days, which I've told her isn't acceptable. It's cruel!!
I once asked her friend not to let my dog outside and she let him out (we live by a VERY busy road). I brought him back inside and asked her again not to do it. Within minutes, she did it again and he was almost hit by a car. While I was screaming and crying, this girl just sat there and didn't even come to check what was going on. My housemates proceeded to tell me it was fine, don't worry about it... So, basically, I just don't trust her or anyone she hangs out with...
My main issue is that I've spoken to her multiple times about ALL these things & how hurtful I find them. I've been honest and direct. Every time she apologises and offers false promises but her behaviour doesn't change. Sometimes she alters her behaviour slightly, i.e. replaces something she's used but only if she thinks I'll notice or I've asked about it. I just get the feeling she only does things to avoid getting in "trouble" rather than actual respect or care for me.
She's generally a pleasant person who I get along with. She pays her rent and bills and offers to cook me dinner sometimes. To be fair, I think she's going through a hard time after a breakup but I don't know how much sympathy to have anymore.
I feel bad when she only moved 6 months ago. I'm the only one on the lease so I'm weighing up telling her she can look for a new place or I can transfer the lease to her.
TLDR: I feel like my housemate of 6 months (I'm the only one on lease) doesn't respect my work schedule, possessions, or pets. I've tried talking to her MANY times. Is it unfair to ask her to leave after such a short time?
Submitted July 21, 2022 at 12:15AM by Brenno__ https://ift.tt/g69VX8W
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