I (28F) have been dating my fiance (28M) for 3 years. During the honeymoon phase, we were the perfect couple. Then we moved in together, and it all went down hill.
I knew he was messier than me, however I also he knew my standard of living. I don't mind things out, but I hate when they are dirty (ring in toilet, dirty dishes in sink, dog hair all over, etc). So when we moved in, I'd ask for help keeping things clean. This pertaining especially to dishes in the sink. I'd unload the dishwasher, and he'd see me doing it, and leave stuff in the sink. Made me so mad. His co.eback was that he'd do it later (which could be and hour to 2 days, in which I would end up doing it)
He also can't handle when we talk about things that "stress him out". I want a budget. I want to talk money. But he complains about not having any, so he doesn't want to talk about it. I say well write down your income and what comes out each month and we can see where you're coming up short. He didn't even reply, and hasn't done it.
He has yet to ask me anything about the wedding (it's a destination wedding). We're 6 months out from the date, 2 months out from final payment from people with our TA, and he hasn't asked his wedding party or given 2 guys their save the dates. He says I'm nagging him when I do.
This one is the big problem. He gets angry when he drinks. Not even verbally or physically abusive. Just nasty with his tone and words. "I hate that our dog sucks and can't hunt. He was a waste of money" "this wedding is so dumb. I hate this music. You better not pick this kinda music for our wedding or I won't have a good time" One night he was being so nasty with my friends around, I now get weekly check up texts.
So here's my question. He has started improving around the house. He has been helping more the last month. But it was so bad for so long, I'm finding myself not even able to appreciate it cause I keep thinking back to the shitty things he's done. How do I take the good for what it's worth and not wallow in what he did before?
**We started therapy but have just done our initial 1:1s where we each go individually. Our first together is Thursday.
TL;DR: My fiance hasn't been the best in the past. How do I recognize the good he's doing now, without wallowing in the bad times?
Submitted July 18, 2022 at 03:42PM by anonononymous_ https://ift.tt/NPAUDmi
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