my wife refuses to work a job or at least you household chores. what do I do? how do I get her to contribute more fairly and reduce my burden?

I(28M) and my wife(26F) have been married for 3 years. She lost her job 2 months back and then was going to interviews and all that but when she couldn't clear those interviews, she decided she just didn't want to keep trying to look for a job. She said she wants to be a SAHW.

Ok, no problem but a SAHW does majority of the household chores. However, my wife doesn't cook, she basically just reheats leftovers from the night before that I would've cooked. I cook dinner every night so she just reheats those leftovers. Cleaning, I don't remember the last time she vacuumed or mopped the house. The house is a complete mess. There's dirt everywhere. She doesn't go get groceries, because apparently she doesn't want to carry the heavy bags. I do Laundry, grocery shopping Bathroom cleaning, yard work, throwing trash, washing dishes, and everything else.

It all came to a breaking point yesterday when I came home from work to dirty dishes, a messy house, and she said that she had been waiting for me to come home and make dinner. She could've made dinner because she was just watching TV. But no, she didn't do any of that because she expected me to come home and do everything.

I've communicated to her before about how she needs to at least do basic chores at home but it airways leads to fights, Her crying, then her doing the chores for a day and then back to square 1.

I just couldn't take it anymore. I told her I'm sick of being the only one working at home. I said that she needs to step up with chores or go get a job. She started crying and said that I'm being very controlling by forcing her to take up a job. I said it is what it is and her crying will not fix our financial issues or do the chores at home. She said she's not going to take up a job and that I cannot force her. So I said "fine you know what, since you don't want to work, we will no longer have any luxuries at home, no netflix, cable tv, other subscriptions, internet, no more using the car-use the bus, no more outings, buying clothes only in thrift stores, and no ordering food online. I also said that apart from house purchases, sanitary products, necessities and medical emergencies, she has to run all other purchases by me. Also, no more expensive makeup, she can buy it at the dollar store or at walmart if she really needs it.

She started crying and said that I'm being too mean and harsh on her. She said that she really doesn't want to get a job because it will affect her mental health. I told her even my mental health is being affected but I am not sitting at home because of that. She has only two options, get a job or do household chores. She told me to go sleep on the couch because I was being a jerk to her. I refused and told her it's my bed too and I will not be leaving it. She then went to sleep on the couch. This morning, she complained of a sore back and body pain.

I feel like I might have overreacted and I'm still in the heat of the moment so please forgive me for the tone of my post.

Maybe she's having a mental issue? But she's not agreeing to go to a therapist.

TL;DR! My wife lost her job 2 months ago. She stopped going for interviews and became a SAHW but hasn't been doing chores either. I got mad at her and cut off all the luxury expenses. I gave her an ultimatum and she's angry now.

Submitted July 20, 2022 at 04:13AM by gobacktoworkwifey https://ift.tt/4wBNOVg