I've 22f been with my boyfriend 27m for a year now and he always seemed happier with her.
EDIT: This was all 3 months into our relationship and hasn't been a problem since. But I'm still insecure about. It's been about 7 months since all this
She was a work friend who was always flirty, sexual and friendly. When I first met him they were "best friends" and for some reason I could just tell that there was more. He said she slept around a lot and was in and out of relationships, had deep emotional issues etc. They never dated, kissed, or did anything like that but he would ask her out to go to the beach, mini golfing, kayaking, movies etc. She would sometimes say yes. She knew he liked her for but still led him on because she liked the attention- because who doesn't? He acted like a simp for her for 2 years while being friend zoned.
When we got together we had some issues in the beginning and he would confide in her. This resulted in her constantly putting him down and getting mad at him for not leaving me. It seemed like she didnt want him but aksi didnt want him to be in a relationship or have someone else taking his attention. She would also say horrible things about me such as calling me a "monster" for no valid reason. This made me really really upset because that's something that I wouldn't even consider calling someone unless they did something horrendous.
A couple months after dating it was her birthday and she had it at a restaurant that I liked. He refused to take me even after I expressed how upset it made me especially because he had admitted that he did like her before. Other people took their partners as well. I was just upset because of the way she acted towards him and I, as well as the fact that he liked her and didn't want to take me. He told me that when he got to dinner, she asked him if he "got his dick wet" the night before and was talking about how she sucked dick that morning in front of all their friends.
Personally I think she is very sad, insecure and attention seeking.
Anyways he would invite her everywhere even when she stopped working with him. They had photos together from his birthday before he met me where they looked very close like a couple. He also had pictures with other female friends but anyone could tell the difference in body language. In this photo he was smiling so brightly and he was so happy. He had videos on his phone that she took of them where he was laughing and had the biggest smile. They also had photos of her laying her head on his shoulder, which I would never do to my male friends that way. I saw a post on his Facebook where she was in the hospital and he visited her. She posted that he was "the sweetest friend someone could have".
One day we also had a big argument where we talked about breaking up and he went to the movies with her and another friend that night and lied to me about it.
I'm very insecure in general and about his feelings towards me even though he's very loyal. He's never done anything for me to doubt apart from what I've said. He cut her off after all this- to which she called him to yell at him and he just took it from her and got upset at me for him having to cut her off.
I'm still upset and insecure because he never ever defended me against her or her words. But at the same time struggles to say anything bad about her even after how she treated him. He still never backs me up or validates how I feel towards all the things she said about me. He just stays quiet. He never backs me up
I'm also insecure about this because he looks happier in all his photos with her. Everytime we take pictures or selfies, he never smiles. He says it's because he wants to look good and cool. He also took photos of her when they were out but never offers to take photos of me.
I just feel like he liked her a lot, borderline love (but he wont admit it). He was single for the two years he knew her before me. I still feel like he would've had her if she would have him. Even now I feel like if she turned around and said gave him any affection or validation he would be happy. I also feel like he would've treated her better if he dated her compared to me because he was such a simp for her.
I'm also not his typical type. I'm a short Asian girl, while his exes and her are all taller, brunette and Caucasian. She's average to the normal guy but she's very flirty and he just came out of a relationship when he met her and was upset and insecure.
He said it's not a problem and nothing to be upset about anymore because she's not in our lives anymore. But I can't help questioning out whole relationship and his feelings towards me. He also never says anything to validate me feelings. I've told him all of this repeatedly and he's never once said anything like "my feelings for you are stronger", or "I liked her but doesn't compare to my feelings for you" etc. He just says It's in the past etc.
Some part of me would rather leave and find someone who will love me and only me. I feel like he will never love me more than her.
Am I right to be upset or am I still overthinking?
TL;DR My boyfriend was close with a female friend before he met me and I'm worried he's still not over her.
Submitted July 30, 2022 at 09:38PM by Special_Challenge849 https://ift.tt/P9C6a4h
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