So I’ve been dating my bf for 3 years. We met in college through Greek life (my sorority was close with his fraternity) so there are lots of mutual friends/acquaintances between us. We were friends for a few years before we started dating. Our core group of friends we have together and it’s really nice sharing a friend group. However, he does have a best friend from high school, Dan, who is a really great friend, but is definitely primarily my bf’s friend of course and is not really part of our core group. He is very important to my bf. My bf and Dan are also really close with Paul, who was also in my bf’s frat but isn’t in the core group we share. My bf was the initial connection between Paul and Dan.
Paul’s little brother, Jake, has started going to our alma mater and we are friends with him too. We just ran into Jake, who invited my bf to a concert with him, Paul, and Dan, who were already planning to attend. The concert is next weekend, so obviously plans have happened without my bf. While talking with Jake, I told my bf it would be more fun for him and everyone if it was a boys trip and encouraged him to go without me. It hadn’t occurred to me that he had been excluded. When Jake left, my bf was upset about his exclusion and I assured him that it had to be because of me.
For context, before me and my bf started dating, Paul asked me to come to his place for a one night stand and I declined, and he has disliked me since. He has kept it friendly but it is sort of obvious I’m not a friend of his. Dan, on the other hand, is really wonderful and likes me but I’m sure he’d love to see his old friend one-on-one rather than with me in tow. My bf is now invited to the concert (by Jake) but feels as though he wasn’t included deliberately.
My bf agrees that Paul doesn’t like me, but thinks that he wasn’t excluded because of that. He thinks that his friends would assume that we are a package deal for the concert, but that it wouldn’t be enough to dissuade them from inviting him, and that they didn’t invite him because he wasn’t fun enough or they just didn’t care to. What should I do to reassure my bf? Should I do anything to win over Paul? How do I proceed? I’m fine with my bf having separate friends and even friends that dislike me but I just don’t want to negatively impact my bf’s friendships.
TLDR: my bf found out he was excluded from plans, I think it’s because his friends assume he would bring me along and one doesn’t like me, how do I proceed?
Submitted July 16, 2022 at 11:13PM by c45516 https://ift.tt/gEKo2bL
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