I [26F] resent that my husband [31M] doesn’t “desire” me in an overtly sexual way - he’s just so innocent and loving. How can I accept him as he is without feeling like I’m missing out?

My husband and I are best friends, and deeply in love. We’ve had many conversations over the years, we talk about absolutely everything, including this!

He’s always respectful and validating of my feelings of wanting to be desired. When I say wanting to be desired, what I mean is that I want that lust element of sexuality to play into my relationship. I grew up insecure, and have recently started to feel quite confident and sexy, I got fit and now I see how people look or act around me (I simply mean it’s different than how people treated me before therapy/exercise/confidence)

Now to be clear, my husband dotes on me. He calls me beautiful, has moments of “awe” about my existence, he’s a very kind man and I’m incredibly lucky. He also does express sexual interest in me, he smacks my butt or makes out with me frequently. When we’re having sex, it’s heaps of fun and he loves my dirty talk which makes me feel sexy but he doesn’t talk to me or say things about my body or how I make him feel except timidly saying “you’re so nice” or “you feel so good”

So to get to my point, I guess I can’t shake the feeling that something is missing. I’ve expressed that I wish he were different in the way of desiring me or wanting me. I even bought lingerie once, which I’ve never done, wore it for him, and it intimidated the heck out of him. I felt bad for him (I should’ve discussed it first), and also humiliated. I took it off and nothing transpired but I did takes some sexy photos in it and worked up the nerve to send him some when we were apart. I wish I knew it made him excited or he “used” those photos but, I know he didn’t. He was polite, doting, but not turned on

The last factor that rubs me the wrong way is how perverse and sexual he can be about other people. He uses online material, Instagram pics (of strangers) or regular porn websites and he has his kinks. The only way I seem to be able to engage this part is by talking dirty about how he’s “allowed” to fuck those women. Not like his kink is cheating, but more so that his loving partner is involved in an accepting way but without being the centre of his fantasy which kinda hurts my feelings

So I know this sounds like a Madonna-wh0re complex, I’m not sure whether he’s intimidated, I’ve pressured him too much, it’s too vulnerable or it’s this complex. But I just want to know what I can do about it to help us?

Sometimes I think of how much someone else would desire me, and it hurts my heart because I’m with a wonderful guy, I’m really lucky, but this feels important to me

Though I’d never leave him over it, so please don’t suggest that haha

tl;dr: Husband doesn’t sexualise me much, thought I know he’s sexual on his own. We have a good sex life, but I wish to feel more desired. I’ve expressed this, no changes yet…how can I accept him as he is or make some changes?

Submitted July 29, 2022 at 03:57PM by michelleyelleyo https://ift.tt/g2IP6ea