She died two days before her 13th birthday, she was so excited to be a teenager.
Parents, do you let your kid eat in their room?
If you don’t, do they understand why not?
Is it because they don't clean up after themselves & you don't want bugs?
Is it because meal time is maybe the only time you guys come together as a family?
Is it because you are a “fun sucker” & don't want them to be comfy while they eat with their show/movie/game? (humor/sarcasm)
Is it because they could choke on their food with you not knowing it in enough time to save their life?
Maybe you are a better parent than me. Maybe your child doesn’t like candy. Maybe your child would never sneak something. Maybe you think you would catch them if they did. Maybe they know better.
She was so smart, mature, & responsible for her age. Always helping me with the boys & always doing the right thing. Excelled in school. I forgot she was still just a kid. I put everything I have into my boys & I forgot she needed me to raise her too. Kids don’t know danger or consequences. Kids are unintentionally reckless.
I have cameras in the common areas of my house. My twins are disabled & I want them to have their own space without me being in the same room with them. It gives me peace of mind that I can be in my room & check on them without disturbing them. Teaching independence.
I have a clip of what happened. It was late at night, we had all gone to bed and she left her room to get the candy from her little purse by the door. I keep my cabinets & fridge locked 24/7. I do this because I don’t want my kids to see how little food we actually have & so I can control and stretch what we do have without them eating everything up. I didn’t know she had a candy sucker.
42 minutes passed before she opened her door, took one step, & collapsed. I can tell by the look on her face she was scared, it was not peaceful, and it was traumatic. I couldn’t help her, I couldn’t save her because I didn’t know.
At the funeral my family made a huge deal about being an “eternal family” & if I needed anything, they would help. 4 days ago I reached out to my family to see if they had any side work I could do to make the money I desperately need. My family is well off & no, I do not feel entitled to “family $”. They have a lot of properties where I could do some lawn work. I asked out of desperation, as a last option, & I was told “you never reached out to console us, no”.
Unbeknownst to me, my family cut ties with me. I didn’t mourn long enough for them, to be honest, I haven’t started. I can’t be a grieving dad & also be a functioning present dad. I went right back to work because I didn't get help with the funeral, I didn't get a meal train from my neighbors, I couldn’t sob & wail, & I didn't have anyone to sit with my boys so I could fall apart.
2 days after she died I moved everything of hers into a storage unit & hadn’t visited it until I had to clean it out due to flooding. My family saw this as me “going right back to my life” and “erasing every trace of her”. My boys have a hard time understanding & would go into her room looking for her. When they couldn't find her they would become extremely upset, agitated, & start breaking things.
I did what I had to, not saying it is healthy or the right way, I’m doing my best. My aunt decided to make a huge post on FB about how I’m such a A-HOLE for wanting “free money”. When I commented asking how exactly they wanted me to console them, I was blocked.
Parents, I’m not trying to tell you how to raise your kids, but please, remind them not to eat in their room. Please. And yes, I have posted this elsewhere but I’ll do anything I can to bring awareness to this. I don’t want anyone to go through what I’m going through.
Why does family bait and switch help, then turn it around on me. What would you do?
TL;DR: I can not remember me ever explicitly telling her to never eat anything, put anything in your mouth & lay down. It’s my fault. I asked my family if I could do some work for them to make some $ & they said no because I didn’t “console them” after my daughter died.
Submitted July 30, 2022 at 01:23AM by throwaway-the-hair https://ift.tt/eRcU1Yv
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