warning: my partners antisemitism and racism are highlighted in this post.
My partner and I have always had a lot in common. We enjoy the same hobbies, so we spend a lot of time together (we go camping every weekend, etc). We don't agree on everything, I've always been an atheist and vegetarian and she's always been a meat eater and subscribes to some unusual spirituality/mysticism, but not really a big deal to me, on core principles I thought we were compatible (eg, the basis of her spirituality was that love is the most important thing, and I can get behind that). She's always been a bit of a conspiracy theorist that distrusts the government, but then the government has done some shady stuff, right? Both of us don't want kids, have similar financial views, want similar futures, we're both very independent and respect other independent people, etc. Basically we're pretty compatible.
So all this kind of blows up about 2 years ago now, when I find out she's reading some WW2 era Nazi mysticism book that essentially proposed Hitler was a god... Somehow she got drawn into this idea online. You can see where this is going. For a while she defends it as she's just "researching" but in the end she comes up that she believes a lot of racist/anti-semitist ideas, I won't list them but let's just say the ideas are quite strong. This is now all tied in with her belief system, so anything I say is a little like trying to criticize someone's religion, there's just no way to get through. Other issues come up as well, for example vegetarianism is a "agenda" being pushed by some nefarious group now, along with any sort of LGBTQ topic, etc. She's always read a lot of "spiritual" books but now many of the books include all kinds of bizarre ideas about race. When I bring up her former ideology of love she now has phrases like "sometimes you have to hate to protect what you love"
Now I'm completely horrified to discover this. Treating all people equally and understanding the value of every individual is just something I've always taken for granted. Racist people have always been the crazies I hear about on TV, not anyone I know in real life. I think maybe I can reason with her, or that she will somehow wake up and realize how terrible this is. We've been together over 6 years at this point, and I just don't believe what she's telling me because it's just unbelievable from what I know of her. But she's continued down this rabbit hole unabated. I think she's, for a lack of a better word, completely brainwashed.
This has led to all kinds of conflict in the last 2 years, aside from the issue of trying to love someone whose morality you find repulsive, I've lost a ton of respect for her, and I think her for me as well. She is still happy in our relationship though and doesn't understand why I can't accept her differing views, the way she can accept mine. Every little argument between us now sets me off, because under it all is a giant rift in how we see the world.
tl;dr: She became hugely racist (but denies this), and I felt a responsibility to try to save her from this. But I don't think I can. Now that I look back in hindsight I can see I missed some red flags and maybe should have figured this out sooner. Yet we fulfilled each others dreams for 6 years and had the best years of our lives... What should I do? Can this be fixed, or should I just cut my losses and start a new life?
Submitted July 29, 2022 at 08:16PM by Throwawaywattodo https://ift.tt/makTrpz
No comments:
Post a Comment