TLDR; Had a couples counseling session with my girlfriend (27F) where I (27F) told her I feel more like a caretaker rather than a partner in our relationship and now she won’t talk to me.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years. We moved out together 1.5 years ago and I’ve been the sole income for a year now. When we moved out together, my girlfriend was working part-time at a well paying job. The stress and toxic upper management negatively impacted her mental health so we decided that she should quit her job to focus on getting better while I became the sole income. We agreed that she would take on the majority of the household duties as she would essentially be a “SAHW”. I work full-time and make enough for us to barely get by with the rent and other expenses. I took on another freelance job a couple months ago so we would have better financial stability.
My girlfriend is diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety and depression, she’s not on meds anymore because of the side effects that made her really sick. She goes to therapy once a week but that’s about all she’s doing to better her mental health. Ever since she came off of SSRI’s 8 months ago, her health was also steadily declining. She would get sick more often, be incapacitated most days and be in pain almost all the time. She recently started seeing a doctor for all these issues and now she’s waiting on her specialists appointments. But because she is sick most of the time, the apartment has become a huge mess. I pick up after myself and make sure there’s no mess in the common area of our living space whereas my girlfriend would leave things wherever and even throw trash on the floor. I try to clean up whenever I can, like do the dishes, take the trash out and clean up after our cats. But there’s only so much I can do because I work almost 12 hours a day. I’ve become exhausted from working so much and taking care/comforting her whenever she’s feeling sick which is almost everyday. I don’t nag her to clean more because I understand that it’s not her fault that she’s sick. But because she’s sick and mentally ill, she’s also become a bit of a hypochondriac. She would Google any symptoms she has and immediately think she has cancer or some incurable disease and panic that we need to take her to the ER. We’ve been to the ER at least 3 times this year and every time it was NOT a medical emergency. The doctors and lab work found nothing wrong with her and they all said it was her anxiety.
We had a couples counseling session today and I brought up how exhausted I am of working and taking care of her. Our therapist asked if I felt more like a caretaker rather than a partner and I said yes. I also said that I don’t want to comfort her whenever she’s feeling sick anymore because most times she will lash out at me if I don’t say the right thing. If I suggest something that might help her feel better but she doesn’t agree with it she would say things along the lines of “why would you even suggest something as stupid as that?” or if I touch her forehead to check her temperature without saying I’m going to do that she immediately snaps at me and says “Why would you touch me without letting me know? What the hell is your problem?” Because of how she speaks to me when she’s upset, I’ve grown resentful of comforting her when she’s feeling sick. She seemed taken aback by what I said during our counseling session and after it ended she silently left the room and texted me to leave her alone. She has been ignoring me all day and locked herself in our bedroom and I am sleeping on the couch in our office.
Am I wrong for saying to my sick girlfriend that I am tired from taking care of her? Her actions make it seem like I’ve really hurt her feelings. I still love her a lot and would want to make this work. I wouldn’t mind picking up the slack more in our relationship if she didn’t lash out at me whenever I try to comfort her when she’s not feeling well. When she’s feeling healthy and happy our relationship is so good. We have so much fun together and have a lot of love for one another. I just feel like i’m nearing the tipping point where I’ll end up lashing out at her if we don’t work this issue out.
What do you guys think I should do now? Continue giving her space and wait for her to approach me?
Submitted July 21, 2022 at 11:42PM by Odd-Albatross7667 https://ift.tt/acfElsp
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