I (28f) struggle to keep friends - My friend (29f) said I'm too uptight and my standards are too high. I consider these standards reasonable and I want to ask your advice

Basically, I have certain values and standards which I expect my friends to also share. For me, these aren't unreasonable standards and just about basic respect.

However my friend said yesterday that I'm not "tolerant" enough of what I consider disrespectful behaviour.

She also said I need to "chill" more.

For context, I hosted a party in my house and I wasn't ok with guests doing things like spilling drinks and not cleaning up.

If you spill a drink, that's OK, but I expect you to clean up after yourself. Spilling something is an accident but choosing to not clean up is a choice and that's not ok for me.

A couple friends also refused to leave my house when I asked them too, and this really upset me and wasn't ok for me. In my house, you kinda have to do what I say or you can find another place to go to.

Another friend "by accident" broke into my neighbour's apartment to pee and my neighbour threatened to call the police. When I told the friend this wasn't ok, they got upset that I wasn't cutting them enough slack.

Two other friends, when I told them about how much this behaviour bothered me, simply told me this behavior was accidental, wasn't a big deal and I should calm down. One of them even told me I was being irrational in my own home.

For me this was disrespectful too as they essentially told me my feelings didnt matter: it wasn't a big deal as far as they were concerned, therefore me considering a problem was invalid.

Following the party, I confronted these people about their behaviour and none apologised unconditionally - all said I should cut slack because of their poor mental health recently, which I don't consider an excuse. I'm considering whether I want these people to continue being my friends.

I quite frequently make friends and lose friends because I can't tolerate being treated like this. And I want to ask if, based on this text, the problem is simply that I'm too uptight and unforgiving?

Tl;Dr My friends told me I'm too uptight and unforgiving which is why I have few friends. For me, I consider my standards reasonable and I don't want to feel disrespected by people in my life. This came to a head during a recent party I organised where I felt some guests behaved quite poorly and disrespectfully to me. No guests apologised properly, blaming mental health, and I don't think this is an excuse. But maybe I'm too sensitive and I want to ask your opinion.

Submitted July 27, 2022 at 03:24AM by LegalQueergle https://ift.tt/9T8L6Om