I want to tell my BIL to f%#* off and be a real father

I (32f) am visiting my sister (50f) for the holidays and am noticing more and more how absent her husband (50m) is from my niece’s (15f) life.

Some background: my sister and BIL are legally married but practically speaking, divorced. IE, seeing other people, do not spend time together, etc, they just haven’t gone through the court process of getting a divorce. However, they do live in the same house and he spends his time in his room or his gf’s house or work, 99.9% of the time. Every time I visit, I do not see him make an effort, or spend ANY time with my niece, despite living in the same household and calling himself her dad. (Oh and btw, according to my sister, he pays half of what a court would order him to pay in child support and half of market rate rent to my sister who essentially owns their house). It’s well known to us all he is not being a father to her. We just don’t speak on it collectively.

My sister suffers from a very severe depression and she could use a break from being the sole parent to my niece while my BIL gets off scotch free. GRANTED, I am biased bc of course I’m going to listen to my sister over my BIL, but I still feel like I am spitting some truth here.

I have half a mind to march down to his room, look him in the eye and say the following:

Why aren’t you a part of your daughters life? The mother of your child could very well kill herself one day, and your daughter’s growing up without having known you as a father. You are going to go to meet your maker one day and I believe on that day you will see you’ve come up short. I may say what’s up to you in the hallways of this house but I need you to know I don’t respect you. I’m telling you this because I actually like you and think you’re a nice person, oddly enough. BUT YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS YOU. Now, more than ever, and It’s not too late to build a relationship with her. So you should make an effort to do that. And if you don’t want to be a father, FINE! Then just leave the house so you stop giving My niece a f*%#ed idea of what a family should look like.

TLDR: my BIL is not present in my niece’s life and I want to tell him the f*$@ off. AM I overstepping?

EDIT - sounds like the way to go is to being direct with my sister is the higher priority which I completely agree with and see now. Telling her to file for divorce and help her to seek help. Thanks Reddit!

Submitted January 01, 2022 at 06:53AM by Specialist-Sun9236 https://ift.tt/32TJUSy