I've been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. He's 42 and I'm 31. I felt quite a bit younger than him when we first met; I was 28. I know that's not "young" by any means but I felt young-ER than him. I felt how everyone feels in their twenties - like I'll never get old. But then I turned 30 and it all changed.
I think I'm now having a crisis because I'm in my thirties. I don't expect my boyfriend to be my only source of admiration, validation or attention. I don't think anyone should expect that from their partner. But I also don't feel around him the same way I felt when we first met. The first year we dated, I felt like a princess around him. He still makes me feel special, just not the same way. And I get it - when people date for a long time, the novelty wears off and feelings change. Infatuation is replaced with deeper, less superficial feelings.
My boyfriend is not one of those people that is huge on giving compliments. He describes everything as either "alright" or "great", alright being everything from "terrible" to "good", and great being "amazing." He's not big on words and shows his feelings through actions. He has a hard time talking about his feelings or emotions. He has done more for me than any partner before him (I've had 4 boyfriends and 1 fiance before I met him), but I sometimes wish he would just say "I love ____ about you." Also, he has never told me he loves me. Actually he hasn't told any of his ex girlfriends either, and quite frankly I don't think he's capable of falling in love. It's just who he is. Mind you, I'm not in love with him either. I love him as a person, but am not IN love with him.
A lot of my boyfriend's married female friends [who are all mostly 40+] give off this desperate old woman vibe where they flirt too much with everyone, including my boyfriend, and dress provocatively just to see if they "still got it." I don't want to do that. Desperation makes me cringe.
Has anyone else experienced feeling this way in long term relationships/while getting older, and what do you do to stay feeling sexy and beautiful without seeking external validation from men?
TL;DR My relationship makes me feel old, dull and conservative. How can I feel sexy, lively and desired again without turning to external validation from men?
Submitted September 02, 2021 at 12:46PM by coconut_teacakes https://ift.tt/38FjFPs
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