Ok so I apologize in advance for the length.
I (29M) and my wife (26) have been married for 5 years. When we dated our relationship was very equal. We split chores evenly, we both worked, both paid the bills 50/50 (we made approximately the same $). When I first met my wife she was very insightful and always communicated her thoughts and ideas while I did the same. We had fights, we argued but we never went to bed mad at one another. Our intimate life was great with us both initiating and bringing new ideas into the bedroom. I say all this to say in short we had an amazing relationship.
Then we got married. It was a beautiful event but also very well budgeted thanks to my wife, so we came out with no debt. But after that things started to change. My wife and I always wanted children but I wanted to wait a couple years until we were in a better financial place. She just shrugged and said whatever happens happens. Come to find out (2 years after our child was born) that she stopped taking her birth control and just didn't tell me.
So less than a year in and my wife is pregnant. While I wasn't thrilled with the timing I was glad to be a father. It was when it came to baby names that I first experienced the bulldozing. I wanted to name our child a simple but quite normal name. My wife flat out said "no". Fine I thought we can work together on names. Nope. She told me the babies name, a very long and complicated name that I was not a fan of at all and she informed me it wasn't up for debate. I relented because my own parents said "you don't get a say."
So our child was born healthy and happy. Skip forwards a few months and my wife had developed PPD. This after she threw a kitchen knife at me when I asked what she wanted for dinner. We got her help and things calmed down. After her meds were solidified things became routine.
Our intimate life crawled to a stop during this time and I didn't mind because hey she just had a baby and has PPD. But 5 years later and I'm lucky if we are intimate 2 times in a month. Nothing I do seems to interest her. I am 99.9% of the time the one to initiate and half the time she just acts bored no matter how I try and change things up. Most of the time when I do try and even flirt with her she gets angry and shoves me away.
Beyond that we have moved to her home town in this time and she refuses to move anywhere else. We originally moved here out of convenience and because it was cheap. But now I can't seem to escape this place and even mentioning to her about moving, even to the next town over (about 5 miles) is met with HARSH criticism and even rage on her part. To be clear she has no family in the town we live in or even any friends so that's not why.
Then there is her job. During our time together I have had several jobs, most back to back and I only leave one when I have a new one lined up. Because of that I make an ok wage for where we live. My wife however has had the same job since she was 18. She is now the director of a small daycare, does most of their paperwork, writes payroll, schedules, licensing, its all done by her. So one would think she makes pretty good money. Nope. She makes $16hr working 50+ hrs a week regularly on top of all the unpaid work she does on the side that she 100% doesn't get paid for. No PTO, vacations, or time off really, if they are open she is working. But when I try and get her a new job even doing the same thing but making sometimes double her current wage or more she absolutely will not consider it.
When it comes to chores and daily life stuff I am the one who does it all now. I cook every night, do laundry, clean the house, yardwork, vehicle maintenance, trash, you name it I am the one to do it. I put my foot down once and didn't do anything but cook and clean the kitchen and do my own laundry. Two weeks later I finally broke. Trash hadn't been taken out and laundry was heaped up on the sofa, some of it mildew covered because she didn't dry it properly. It took me 3 days to clean the house up after that.
At this point I am just so tired. I don't get a say in anything. I get up, go to work, come home, make supper, clean house, put my child to bed and watch a little TV before doing it all again. I've tried talking to her, tried to get us into family/ couples counciling and nothing every time. She will act all happy about it but when it comes time to actually do anything she is suddenly busy or we can't for X reason. Reddit what should I do? I'm just so tired and I need some outside opinions because I'm out.
TLDR my wife bulldozes all decisions in our marriage and I am out of ideas.
Submitted September 23, 2021 at 03:48PM by AnonAdvic https://ift.tt/3AJpasU
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