My wife (26f) and I (26m) rarely have sex. I’m starting to become resentful. (4 years, 1 year married)

I don’t really know how to start this so I guess I’ll just start with saying that I have a really high sex drive. I always have. I’ve been in 4 serious relationships including this one and through those 4 relationships I learned a few things. I learned that my “love language” is touch, and that the “sweet spot” for sex is more or less 2 times a week. Any more and it wares me down, and less, at least less over long periods, it makes me feel shitty.

When I first “re-met” my wife (old childhood friends) we had sex a lot, as many couples do during the early stages. One problem though was that I was the “instigator” 9/10 times. This didn’t really bother me as that’s how I’ve almost always been.

So a timeline, we re-met and had sex all the time while we lived apart, then we moved in together after about 2 years, it died down a little bit I still felt good about it. And then, we got married.

I’ll never forget our wedding day, it was perfect. Everything went off without a hitch, she was so beautiful, we had a frekin blast. When we got in the car after our send off I looked her dead in the eyes and told her I really really wanted to have sex that night. She laughed and she said of course! But it didn’t happen, which is fine, we were both tired so I tried the next night. Rejected again. We didn’t have sex until we were married for 30 days. This became a pattern. We’ve probably had sex less than 20 times in the past 13 months.

The pattern goes something like this: we have a fantastic day together doing something nice, that gets me in the mood, I either bring up sex or try to initiate it, and she shuts it down. I’ve tried so many different approaches to getting her “in the mood” and none of them work. Even the ones she explicitly tells me she likes still don’t work.

There’s two things that really bother me about this whole situation. Being told no when I ask isn’t really a problem, being told yes when I ask “can we have sex tonight” and then getting shut down at night, that’s what bothers me. Being the initiator, getting shut down so many times starts to weigh me down.

I feel like I’m in this viscous cycle. Going through daily life is so great with her, then at the end of the day when it’s a “sex night”,I get so annoyed and resentful. I don’t want to feel that way. I love my wife so much and we have so much fun going through life together. Sex isn’t the most important thing in a healthy relationship, but it is an important thing, at least for me. I am not sure how to proceed, talking to her about it she seems to think we have sex all the time and that there’s no problem. I don’t know how to get it across to her that this is a problem for me, but I don’t want her to feel like she HAS to have sex with me, I just want her to want me. I don’t feel wanted anymore.

Tldr: wife and I have had a lot less sex since getting married. I don’t feel loved or wanted anymore and it’s making me feel resentful.

Edit: I just wanted to add, my wife loves me in many different ways. She’s very thoughtful and likes to get me stuff or bring me food after a long day, or say nice things to me. She’s very sweet, and maybe me saying I don’t feel loved was the wrong way to put it. I just don’t feel loved in one of the most important ways to me personally.

Submitted April 05, 2021 at 05:41PM by ssecrettthrowaaway https://ift.tt/3dzLuuJ