I'm turning 18 this month and naturally I've been looking at colleges with my parents. We have always been quite well off financially, so they have offered to pay for it in full. I am very grateful for this, and I understand most kids aren't as fortunate as I am. But now my dad is threatening to take away that opportunity because he thinks I'm gay.
In all honesty, I don't really know what my sexuality is. I've ever really been big on dating, I've always just been a little shy. I've dated girls before, but I've never done anything more than kissing with them. Over the past few years, maybe since I was 15, I've noticed that I find boys attractive, but I never really understood that it was a weird thing, I just assumed that every guy could admit in their heads when they saw a guy who was decent looking. It wasn't necessarily a sexual thing, I could look at a girl and think "Wow, she's really pretty" without making it a sexual thing, so I always just assumed it was the same thing for boys. About a year and a half ago, when I was 16, I mentioned that I thought Jake Gyllenhaal was really attractive to one of my friends, in sort of a joking way while we were watching a movie. He didn't think it was funny, he thought it was weird. I insisted that it was a normal thing to think other people are attractive, but he insisted that wasn't true and that normal guys didn't think other guys were attractive like that. He told me it was gay to think that, and I didn't really like the way he said it, it was almost like it was an accusation.
After that encounter, I searched for "gay porn" online, just to see if I would find it sexually attractive. It was weird to me, and I don't think I would say it turned me on at that point. The relevancy of this event was that, apparently my dad had been monitoring my search history and confronted me about it, demanding to know why I was searching for it. I don't know if he monitored my internet history up to that point, but I'd definitely searched straight porn before, and he never said anything, so I was really confused. It became really clear that the problem was that it was gay porn. I was embarrassed, of course but I told him I looked it up with a friend out of curiosity, and it was all for fun. A few weeks later, the same friend as before put a gay porn magazine in my locker at school, I assume as a joke. I looked through it though, just out of curiosity and instead of finding it weird, I kind of enjoyed looking at the pictures. I realized I definitely was sexually attracted to boys over the next year, but it was really confusing because I found girls attractive too.
About 8 months ago, my dad found the magazine that I hid in the back of my closet and confronted me about my sexuality again. I denied being gay, because I genuinely don't think I am, but my dad was really angry with me for this. Then about a month ago, I made the mistake of searching for gay porn again online, assuming my dad wouldn't still be checking my search history since I'd searched it almost a year and a half ago.
My dad was checking my history and was angry and told me that I needed to stop searching for gay porn, or he wouldn't pay for me to go to college. Flash forward to (almost) present time, I had bought a box of condoms for a party I was attending at a friend's house this past Friday (March 26th). Really, it was for my friend and his girlfriend, he had asked me to buy them for them to use together. I didn't really have any intention of using them myself, but I kept the remainder of box in my dresser. The next night, one of my friends stayed over. Let me inform you: this guy has a girlfriend and I guarantee nothing would've happened even if I wanted it to, which I didn't!
On Tuesday (March 30th), my dad found the condoms and started freaking out about the fact I had this friend over He searched through my entire room, complaining the whole time that he raised a "faggot" because, obviously he assumed my friend and I had sex. My dad hasn't talked to me for the last 4 days, and proclaimed that I "better find a way to pay for college" myself. I just really don't know what to do. I think I've ruined my relationship with my dad.
I'm not really that worried about having to put myself through college, I do work part-time currently, and I know they'd take me on full-time when I graduate high school. That part really isn't the problem. I'm just afraid that my father will never talk to me again if I upset him again, but I also don't know what I can do if he won't believe me when I saw I haven't done anything he's accusing me of. The entire situation has been super frustrating and embarrassing, and I really don't want to talk about it more than I have to, but I don't want my dad to hate me the rest of my life.
What can I do to save the situation? I've already sworn up and down to him that I'm not gay, but he obviously doesn't believe me because I'm an idiot and kept getting caught in odd situations. How do I even go about bringing it up? The last thing I want to do is talk about gay sex with my dad, gay sex that didn't even happen, may I add. I'm not a confrontational person AT ALL, and I'm not that great at explaining myself, is there anything I can do to get my dad to acknowledge me again?
TL;DR: My dad was originally going to support me through college but after certain events over the last 1.5-2 years, he is now refusing because he believes I am gay. How can I fix my relationship with him?
Submitted April 03, 2021 at 08:13PM by SomeoneToYou30 https://ift.tt/3dMI1Jx
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