I would really appreciate an outsider's perspective on this, because the person in question normalised his behaviour to an extent that he had me questioning my reaction.
He was, at the time, in a relationship with me. His mother had terminal cancer, so it was a very difficult time. I would make him meals, clean his house, bring him gifts, hold him when he broke down, and I also gave him space when he wanted it. He kept saying he couldn't really be present as a partner until his mother passed away.
I never got to meet his mother. He said it was a bad time, with all the family trying to cope with the grief. I understood and didn't push for it at all.
One day, he came over to my house. I had spent about three hours making him dinner. He sat down, ate, and then abruptly told me we were not together anymore. He said he needed time to work on himself, he needed time to help his dying mother -- maybe six weeks or so -- and after that, we could be together again.
Except, it turns out his "dying mother" was already dead. She had died about three days before he suddenly broke up with me. In the weeks that followed, we still saw one another. He kept going into detail about how hard it was caring for his dying mother, that his life would change once she had passed away as then he would have time and freedom.
This went on for two whole months before I saw her obituary and realised she had already died months before. When I confronted him, he denied it -- but when faced with irrefutable evidence, he caved in, and said he simply hadn't wanted to burden me with the news. Which is ridiculous. He had sat there, looked me in the eye, and gone into detail about caring for his mother, how hard it was, that his life would be different when she had passed away -- but she was already dead.
How bad is this? Am I right to think this is deeply wrong? That he could sit there and lie about his own recently deceased mother? And for what reason? I have been trying to wrap my head around this lie for months now.
Tl;dr he pretended his deceased mother was still alive for months after she had died.
Edit - I just want to add that this was not (as far as I can tell) a grief response. He was enjoying all the free time he suddenly had after his mother's death (she had been suffering and he had been trying to help his father with her care). He was shutting me out with the excuse that he was still caring for her, when in actuality he was going out and enjoying himself and also trying to pursue new women, one of whom he is now seeing. So it wasn't an attempt to keep his mother alive out of grief, it was more like an attempt to continue to keep me on hold and control me by telling me his mother was dying and he couldn't be with me until she had passed away.
Submitted April 03, 2021 at 06:08PM by ProudGuard4214 https://ift.tt/3dB7y88
No comments:
Post a Comment