How would you approach the situation knowing that your sibling is cutting contact with you? Me (29F), Sibling (25F)

(TLDR on bottom)

I am the oldest of two.

Growing up my parents were very strict and I l’ve carried the burden of their unrealistic expectations. I ended up doing everything they wanted (down to career), which in turn made me very depressed. I think they experienced a lot of PTSD that carried over when they immigrated over.

They did hit us growing up, but stopped as we grew older. Mainly as a form of discipline. Which of course traumatized me because why would you hit a child you love? A lot of the communication issues with my parents stem from a traditional Asian background. Saving face, respecting elders, carrying on family traditions and being successful. In many ways this made me resent them because I never got the nurturing I needed and developed a sense of ultra independence, distrust and anxiety over my future. I always felt dismissed. I think the reason why I am still able to communicate with them is because of a trauma bond.

Of course this carried over to my sister.

My sibling on the other hand, marches to their own beat and is considered disrespectful for following their dreams that isn’t a tradition job - doctor/lawyer/business etc. In my parents eyes my sibling is a black sheep.

My sibling is very eccentric and fashion forward (think fun hair colors, piercings and tattoos) where as I am a basic person. I was never skinny growing up but never got comments on my appearance whereas she has from my parents. In many ways my sibling is cutting off those ties with my parents because of the disrespect. In turn, doing the same to me too.

Sibling only comes to me for money now and I feel like I’m on an information diet, I only hear about successes second hand. Sibling always avoid answering my texts because “forgets” or “was busy”, but see her responding to friends right away. I’m blocked on live stories on social media. Yet she openly shares everything with my cousin.

Her conflict resolution is very dismissive as well and avoids confrontation.

I’m tired of trying to build a relationship she seems to not want. I can’t punish myself for someone’s lack of communication. I feel very resentful of her. I’m resentful that she comes to me ONLY when she needs money. I’m resentful that she treats me like she does to my parents when I try to support her in every way they do not.

The last text I sent was letting sibling know that I am trying to build a relationship with her, but she’s cutting me off like my parents and was ignored

In many ways I feel like cutting her off won’t make a difference to her, but how you approach the situation?

tl;dr sibling is cutting contact with me due to my parent's expectations, dismissiveness and hurtful comments. Sibling is cutting me off too and I am hurt. I am resentful of how she treats me and an wondering if cutting off contact should be the best approach since I have already expressed wanting to build a relationship.

Submitted April 04, 2021 at 10:57PM by questionssnanswerss https://ift.tt/3fEJ7t5