I'm a second year in a PhD program in the US with around 20 students. I've recently ran into a very serious issue with one of my classmates.
My classmate B has always been quite weird, but there are a lot of weird characters in my program. However, there were some previous incidents that the rest of us pretty much ignored:
- Telling another classmate and I after a few weeks that we were clearly bottom of the class (not even true)
- Telling us that he was apprehensive to join our study group because he thought my male classmate was hitting on both me and another female classmate (we were just studying together...)
- Getting drunk and telling another classmate at his own birthday party that he 'used to hate him' because he isn't good enough a math/doesn't deserve to be in the program/etc.
- Shaking in anger after some random girl he met at a language meetup ghosted him
- After meeting my boyfriend early on, saying in front of others that he's 'dead in the eyes' when you speak to him
This past semester I TA'd with B, in addition to taking 2 classes with him. I spoke to him often, because he's generally fine to talk to. However, he occasionally made horrible comments like I was an idiot for reading main stream media, my boyfriend is a 'pathetic guy' who's never going to make anything of himself etc. I told him I wouldn't continue talking with him if personally attacked me, and pointed out several times he'd only met my boyfriend twice over a year prior and didn't even know him.
The other day he went into a rage, after starting a discussion about how much he hated lawyers (my boyfriend is a law student). Here are some excerpts:
- "hes looks liek a tw ink with a childs haircut lmao"
- "i have a hard time thinking anyone could like [my bf], does he have friends? do his parents show him affection lmfaoooo"
- "he just fits an archetype of a person that i hate more than anything else. i feel as repulsed by him as i can possibly be. i have deep contempt for his type and I have strived my entire life to be as dissimilar from this as i could possibly be"
- "roadtrips and blowing parents $ isnt a personality. he will faceplant at everything he does, i know successful ppl hes a f***** imbecile"
- "[my bf]'s lazy and young, he will find other people out of convenience or novelty. youll get sick of being alone .. iit all sounds incredibly sh**y why waste your time now with him?"
One of the most disturbing things, was that he pasted a giant block of text about how my relationship would never work out. He had typed this up prior and saved it on his computer. Very creepy...
I didn't type much during this rage, other than asking why he was being so mean, and saying that I found this offensive. He then went on to tell me how I needed someone to "keep up with me" and conveniently, he liked me as more than a friend and had wanted to make a move (gross).
I immediately reported this conversation with screenshots to a professor in the department, who has now referred it to the head and Title IX. She seemed disturbed by what she read.
I haven't heard anything back yet, but I keep oscillating between thinking that this behavior is totally unacceptable, particularly in a male dominated program, and that they can't really do anything about it... I also found out he asked out another girl in my cohort last year (there's like 5 of us), who predictably wasn't interested. He seems incapable of being friends with any female.
In the meantime I've ignored him, and once he caught on (after numerous messages), told him I did not want to speak to him anymore. Cue, trying to win me back or something:
- "I told you how i felt. I did not mean to hurt you , In fact i wanted to show that i liked you. I do not want to lie to you about anything and you can count on this." (wow thanks I'm so flattered)
- "you are one of my best friends and i value that. it is not something that i want to lose" (I don't care what you want)
- "My belief was that he was an inversion of what i value in life" (you must have great values)
- "In part i thought it necessity to position myself to go further " (gross and possessive)
I'm honestly concerned for my safety post-COVID (I'm in a totally different city right now). This guy fits the stereotype for those guys who go nuts... alt-right, drinking (maybe drug) problems, anger issues.
This is mostly a rant, but also interested if anyone has insight into student conduct in a PhD program? I feel like if this was a private workplace, he'd be gone, but Title IX doesn't seem relevant in this case.
tl;dr: Creepy guy in my PhD with possible issues deeply hates my boyfriend (who he doesn't know) and apparently 'likes' me. I am disturbed and scared.
Submitted April 11, 2021 at 02:18AM by throwaway49420499 https://ift.tt/3t8ZyBL
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