This is really more my mom’s story than mine (23F). This also happened quite a while ago, but the idea of going back to family gatherings post-covid has caused some issues to re-emerge.
My Mom and my Aunt (mom’s sister) have had a generally good relationship, with occasional points of strain over the years. There is a serious history of mental illness in my mother’s family (anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, compulsive behaviors). Unfortunately the family also has a strong stigma against seeking mental health treatment, so none of them have ever been given sufficient treatment or therapy.
The story in question happened in April 2018 when I was spending a semester studying abroad in Scotland. (I am originally from the US.) I had always planned to study there, as I have relatives in the country. My parents and younger sisters came over to visit me, a trip they had formally planned months in advance but had been talking/dreaming about since before I even went to college.
My aunt had been planning to visit me too, but her boyfriend (more on him later) didn’t want to go with her, and she didn’t want to go alone. The BF told my aunt to ask if she could go with my parents/sisters. This was only a few weeks before the trip, but my mom happily agreed and went back and booked my aunt a seat on their flight, and booked an additional accommodation for her, as the apartment they booked for themselves didn’t have enough beds. (My aunt paid my mom back for the bookings, that’s not an issue.)
When time for the trip came, they picked up my aunt in the airport cab and she was already crying, setting the tone for the rest of the trip. My aunt basically had a meltdown the whole week. She cried every day, and was sullen and withdrawn, and took no joy from the pre-planned vacation.
She was constantly on the phone with her boyfriend complaining about my family and how annoying we were (in earshot of us). She would sometimes disappear for hours, and not tell us where she was going (I know she’s an adult but they were in a foreign country?). She was critical of everything, and disapproved of every aspect of the trip that my parents had planned. One of the worst parts was when she screamed to my mom about how awful the apartment they booked her to stay in was. The apartment was LITERALLY a studio version of the apartments where I was living, same furnishings and bathroom, same street. I loved that apartment! My parents ended up switching apartments with her. After the switch she just complained about how noisy my sisters were at the other apartment!
I really don’t know what caused her to behave this way. I am assuming she must have been having some sort of mental health episode, and she was too anxious to handle the trip. (She did this one time before on a vacation with my extended family, she drove home mid week.) She may have also been lashing out because she was disappointed her boyfriend didn’t want to go with her. Before this trip we were close, and I had thought of her as my “fun aunt”. Unfortunately the pain she caused my parents caused my whole perspective to change.
My immediate family still managed to have a really fun week visiting Scotland and touring. We made great memories and took great pictures. My mom was left wishing that we had booked my aunt a flight home earlier in the week, or not taken her to the airport at all, since it was obvious that she was unhappy and couldn’t handle the trip.
My parents essentially moved on right after we got back. Something about her behavior was so extreme and out of character it almost seemed beyond her control. The rift didn’t start until a few weeks after they got home. What actually caused the issue was the way her boyfriend reacted.
My aunt and her boyfriend (BF) have been together about 15 years, neither have children. He was in his mid 70s and she was in her late 40s at the time of the trip. BF has always avoided spending time with my family. His family is also very cold to my aunt whenever she visits them, often refusing to talk to her. My grandparents love him for some reason.
When we all returned, BF called my grandparents (aunt and mom’s side) to complain about how terribly planned the trip was. He asked why we didn’t put my aunt up in The Scotsman once we saw how “disgusting” her apartment was. (The Scotsman is a very expensive hotel in Edinburgh).
My grandma essentially took my aunt and BF’s side. When my mom explained what happened my Gma asked “how could we allow [aunt] to act that way?” As if her behavior was our fault somehow, I’m not sure how anyone could have stopped her from acting out. My Gma essentially said that BF was right, that my aunt was fragile and deserved better than what we gave her.
After this interaction my parents were livid with everyone involved. The boyfriend who refused to go with her and then criticized the planning, my aunt for having a breakdown and not apologizing, and my Gma for siding with BF. My mom asked everyone involved to apologize, and they all refused. Lots of mean, snarky letters were sent mom’s way in the following months.
When my mom cut contact with my aunt, my Gma was furious and demanded my mom apologize for “keeping the nieces away from” my aunt. And for “brainwashing us” to hate our aunt. My sisters were 15 and 18 at the time of the trip, and I was 21. My aunt made 15 cry multiple times that week. My sisters and I each made our own decisions to go no contact with our aunt.
The family has been strained ever since and all holidays are messed up. We usually celebrate with just our immediate family now, as our grandparents could never be caught choosing our branch of the family over Aunt. My Gma has become a much more bitter person towards us ever since. I mourn my old relationships with my extended family, but don’t know if we can ever really reconcile at this point.
Sorry this is so long!! Not really sure what I’m looking for with this post, outside opinions/advice are appreciated.
TLDR: My aunt had a meltdown and criticized a vacation my parents planned for themselves that they allowed her to join in on. Her BF and my grandparents chimed in, now no one is talking to each other.
Submitted April 05, 2021 at 03:28PM by beep_collins https://ift.tt/2R8DdX8
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