Should I give up on this short relationship?
Hi all First time posting here. I’m looking for some advice. A bit of background on myself, I am mid twenties, female and live in the UK. I’ve had a few relationships in my life, none have lasted longer than a few years which is fine. Over the last 2 years I’ve worked hard to build up a new career and build better habits (less binge drinking, regular exercise) because I really do feel like working on yourself is important. I have diagnosed depression and anxiety, but have really gotten a control over this for the last 2 years.
I’ve always felt I’ve had issues when it comes to dating. I don’t get very easily attached to people at all and during my early twenties used to fixate on this as I believed I would never want to be with someone long term because of how often I lose interest in the romantic part. When discussing with others I was told often that ‘when the right person comes along it would work’. I decided to go with the flow, meet lots of people and see what worked.
Back in early October I met a new guy (28m) on a dating site. We met when there were still restrictions in place and could go to a couple of restaurants. Since December, there have been stricter rules and hospitality started closing. We have had a full lockdown since beginning of January with only essential shops open.
Myself and my (now ex) went to a restaurant and the cinema on the first few dates but since then we’ve only been able to stay indoors. He lived on his own so he was able to ‘bubble up’ with my household and allow our hanging out to be completely within the government Covid rules (I live with my parents currently saving for a house). He has met my parents a few times and they all get on.
For our dates we mainly watch films, boxsets, we also would play games and go on short walks. He is very nerdy which I love, and I like the fact that he brought out my nerdier side. He seemed very interested for the first 3 months and we always had a great time together. There were virtually no issues and I would look forward to our weekends spent together after the working week (both work stressful jobs)
Around Christmas I could feel myself getting deeper feelings and I felt positive about the relationship. I was very happy and he seemed it too.
Then January hit. Those not familiar with the UK, the winter has been very bleak with Christmas essentially being cancelled last minute and infection rates being through the roof. We’ve had one of the highest death tolls. The third lockdown hit in January and has hit everyone hard. I found my ex’s demeanour changed. Although we continued seeing each other, the way he spoke to me through messaging changed. He would no longer be affectionate through messages. In real life he was very cuddly and we still had good sex etc. I knew he was having a hard time at work because January is his industries busiest time. I gave him space but tried to cheer him up by cooking meals, watching his fave films etc. It was like he lost his mojo. His diet started slipping big time, he would have takeaway multiple times a week and started saying he was struggling to find motivation to cook and clean. He even said he’d struggle to find a game to play (he’s a big gamer). I asked if he’d spoken to his family members and he said not for a while. I encouraged him to reach out to his sibling. I was worried he was lonely on his own.
It all came to a bit of a head last week. I’ve felt he has lost interest for the last 3 weeks and I’ll be honest the lack of input from him and the lockdown has caused my anxiety to heighten as I’m worried about the relationship. We made plans for this weekend and on Friday he said he wanted to spend the weekend alone. I said we should have a conversation after work and he agreed. I rang him and basically said that I wasn’t happy, I had brought up before that he wasn’t giving enough back. I was not annoyed about this at all just needed to be honest. He admitted that he doesn’t know what has happened but he suddenly feels numb to it all. I suggested that we take a break because right now I think we need to focus on individual selves and trying to get through the pandemic. I told him once everything opens up again we can perhaps meet up for a catch up and see how things go from there. I said that it seems that either the relationship isn’t right for him, or the pandemic has kind of got in the way because it’s hard not to get into a rut when you can’t leave the house and you’ve got nothing else stimulating the relationship, if that makes sense. He said he agrees with everything I’ve said and he needs some time to sort himself out. I’m putting the ball in his court and giving him space, have not contacted him although he said we could still talk.
I’ll be honest, I still hold out hope. I don’t want to seem naive and miss the very obvious hints that he ‘just isn’t into me’. I only want him to be happy and if I don’t make him happy I fully accept that. I’m worried he’s a bit depressed. Would it be stupid of me to give him time then contact him further down the road? It’s such a short relationship but I just feel like there was so much potential and I have not felt that about anyone before.
Sorry for such a long ramble I’m just feeling so isolated at the moment and even just writing this has been cathartic. I’ve spent the weekend crying and watching tv because I keep thinking back to happy times.
TL;DR: boyfriend seems to have become numb to new relationship after really good start. Not sure if because of difficult external pressures causing depression or because he’s just not that into me. Willing to give him space but don’t want to look stupid.
Submitted February 07, 2021 at 07:42AM by Hodora-the-explorer https://ift.tt/3tDd3ul
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