My (M34) girlfriend (F32) lied about her relationship and feelings for ex-FWB. How do I confront her and is it worth salvaging relationship?

My (M34) girlfriend (F32) and I have been together for over four years and lived together for two years. While have had our issues, we are/were on the brink of getting engaged.

Two weeks ago I was getting extremely anxious about getting engaged - I was given a deadline by my girlfriend by which time we had to get engage or she would have to leave the relationship. She has wanted to get engaged since we moved in together. I went to a jeweller and arranged to inspect a ring the following day.

We went for a picnic that night at a spot where she was the main of honour for a wedding about 4 months into our relationship. That wedding has always been a bit of a sore point for me because the best man was her ex-FWB (Steve). After the wedding my girlfriend posted photos of her and Steve on social media smiling and holding each other in the wedding car. Another photo surfaced in the formal wedding photos of Steve standing behind my girlfriend, his hand on her hip and hers over his. I was livid when I saw them, but she maintained nothing happened, their FWB arrangement was purely sex only.

Anyway, visiting the site of the above triggered massive anxiety in me, in addition to the anxiety I was already feeling. I was scared I was about to propose to someone who potentially cheated on me and needed to know for sure. One of the major issues in our relationship has been my girlfriend's habit of snooping - I have caught her countless times in my phone, tablet and going through everything of mine in the condo. In a moment of weakness, I returned the favour and snooped on her phone. I found text messages as follows:

• messages to Steve around a month into our relationship (buy before we were official), inviting him to come over for dinner.
• messages to her friend 3 months into our relationship and 7 months into our relationship, saying she still had feelings for Steve.
• a message to a friend saying she was worried incriminating photos would surface from the wedding, but that she didn't hook up with Steve.
• a message to Steve a month after the wedding , saying he was right that they should have gotten married. Followed by 'funny' but relatively tame flirting.
  

I was devastated when I found the above. I need to confront her on the issue and decide whether it is worth trying to salvage the relationship. I'm terrified I'm in my mid-30s and might never have kids if this ends.

• Am I being unreasonable at taking issue with the above?
• How have you dealt with, or would you suggest, raising the issue with her?

Thanks

TL;dr:

• girlfriend lied about relationship with ex-FWB and had questionable interactions with them early in relationship.
• found incriminating texts four years later.
• furious.
• what do?

Submitted February 02, 2021 at 02:44AM by Benzo667 https://ift.tt/3rgUg5X