This is long, so TL;DR is below. I (25M, single) live with my parents and older brother (33M, also single). My parents are both disabled, but my dad still works. My family's financial situation has been bad my whole life since my dad doesn't make a lot of money. My brother has had a difficult time holding down a job, but he has finally found something that pays decently (though not enough to live on his own).
We live in a really rundown rental apartment and haven't had the option of moving out until very recently, because after I graduated a few years ago I landed a high paying job. I'm the highest earner in the family by a wide margin. Because of this, we have been discussing buying a home. I am totally okay with this, and I have agreed to put my name on the deed and contribute $1000+ every month towards the mortgage. At the same time though, I want to move out on my own within the next 2 years. I am totally fine with contributing towards the house while living on my own (probably renting).
Here is my problem though: My parents rely on me for pretty much everything -- I do groceries, run errands, book appointments, etc. My mom in particular is very emotionally needy and a huge micromanager, and relies on me very much. She struggles with her own mental health issues, so if I told her I wanted to move out she would probably have a breakdown. I love my mother to death, but I feel "trapped".
To add a layer of complexity to the situation, my parents' relationship has been deteriorating over the last few years, so if I move out and my brother does too eventually, I can't imagine them living together alone. My dad would probably be fine but my mom would surely become very depressed.
To add yet another layer of complexity, I am gay. My family knows this but refuses to talk about it and essentially pretend like I never came out to them, though they treat me the same. If I want to live my own life and find a partner, it obviously cannot be under their roof or anywhere near them for that matter.
I know that I am a grown adult and I don't need anyone's permission to move out, but I can't help but feel a sense of overwhelming guilt about the thought of leaving my parents to fend for themselves (not that I wouldn't continue helping them anyway; I probably wouldn't move very far).
What's the best way to "break free" from my family without hurting them? Is the guilt something I will just have to get over?
TL;DR: Parents (lovely people) rely on me too much, but I want to move out and build my own life.
Submitted February 07, 2021 at 06:53PM by tangointhenight24 https://ift.tt/36RZFsw
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