My (32F) husband (30M) wants to kick his brother (20M) out and I don't. I think he is being unfairly harsh on his brother, and in some ways its making me rethink if I want to have kids with him.

So my husbands parents left the state to Florida after their landlord increased their rent again, and their son, mark, was pretty much left without a place to stay, as he is now unemployed. We agreed to take him in, both of us thought it would be fine as we have a whole empty floor in our house, and also he is still in college so we just figured we would let him stay until then.

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Mark is a good, well rounded, intelligent kid, and I enjoy having him around. My husband though kind of treats him badly. He constantly acts like he is some undisciplined lazy person who needs to be whipped into being productive. He makes him do a lot of chores and chastises him if he does them even slightly late or wrong. He is constantly harping about his schoolwork or job searching, which is relatively fine, but its the tone of how he does it that frustrates me, like he is automatically presuming Mark is not doing those things. Mark (before the pandemic, he moved in in September 2019) would hang out with friends and party and my husband would constantly chastise him about that, as if he CANNOT spend ANY time partying or socializing while he has to be searching for a job or doing school work. There was one time where my husband basically shouted at him for nearly an hour because he came back to the house at 3am on a friday night, and it honestly was borderline verbal abuse. He also HATES when Mark plays video games, he views it as unproductive and lazy and constantly criticizes him for it. He constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY, shoves the whole "your living here rent free" stuff in his face, for everything. Which is true, he is, but frankly he lives in the bottom floor where we rarely ever go either way, and he does more chores for the house than both of us combined. Its not as if he is taking up our resources, if anything its an overall benefit to have him here.

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And there is a pandemic now, he is unemployed, and job prospects in our area are not good at all. He has been searching for jobs, I help him out with his indeed profile and his profile is filled with applications. He also does very well at school, he has a 3.9 GPA.

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Recently, Mark got a bit snappy at my husband and basically said that he does a lot of chores and that he feels my husband is being too harsh on him, and they got into a big of an argument, and my husband stormed upstairs and was saying that we have to start the process of kicking Mark out of the house, and that he is undisciplined and that he needs to learn how to live on his own and he is a freeloader etc etc. I tried to calm him down and make him see reason but he was just really, really mad. Some backstory, but my husband had tons of issues with his parents growing up, and he left the house at 17 to live on his own, while Mark was always very good with his parents. I am almost positive that plays a big role in this.

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The thing is, this is really making me rethink things. My husband has never had this attitude about anything like this, he has always been a pretty calm guy, but now I see him with someone who is younger than him, someone who he feels he has to 'guide' a bit (similar to a parent...) and he is very authoritarian about all of this. It makes me think... how the hell is he going to be with our kids? Criticizing them for everything? Having these little fits anytime they do anything he deems lazy? Calling them freeloaders and undisciplined? I still love him to death but this specific thing is something I never, ever realized with him before.

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Back to Mark though, how do I get him to see reason here? Mark isn't causing any harm. He does his chores, a lot of them, and the one time hes complained in the past year and a half my husband threatens to kick him out? Why does my husband feel the NEED to be this disciplinary towards him? If it was up to me I would let Mark stay all the way until he finishes college. I've argued with him on this before but his response is always "its my brother, not yours" basically. Its as if he wants to shut me out on this, that this is entirely his world, not mine.

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TL;DR - - my husband thinks his brother, who is staying with us, is a lazy freeloader and he wants to kick him out. I feel differently, that he is being way too harsh. How do I get him to see reason?

Submitted February 06, 2021 at 11:02PM by beemovielover689 https://ift.tt/3rvGFYy