My (30M) partner (31F) has gradually become asexual. I still love her but can't handle an open relationship. Is sex in a relationship really all that?

TL;DR my partner no longer has sex with me, I still love her and she wants to stay together, but I am concerned about ending up a bitter old pervert who rarely got his end away much.

I just broke up with my partner of ten years who has been caring, supportive of everything I do and is like my best friend. However since we got together aged 20 she gradually slid towards becoming asexual whilst I have a high libido. I didn't feel like masturbation and porn were a viable long term fix and my attitudes to sex mean I don't think I could handle an open relationship without intense feelings of guilt even with consent all round.

Recently I felt like our life choices were drifting as well, as she wanted to study a PhD in a cold place whilst I get depressed with low sunlight and wanted to move to a hotter climate. But she said she was happy giving up the ambition of a PhD to save the relationship and now with her hours being cut at her job affording it is out of the question,and she refuses to accept that kind of support money if we're not in a relationship

She has various health problems that sap all her energy and make life on her own incredibly tough, I do a lot of the cleaning and physical work around the flat. She seems absolutely devastated but I feel like if I stayed with her I'd grow resentful of missed sex life. But I still feel like I'm pulling the carpet away and ruining the life of someone who is very vulnerable, who I think I still love and care about deeply, and who I want to have the best life possible despite our sexual incompatibility. Have I made a big mistake, is an active sex life elsewhere all that? I'm worried that I'm making the biggest mistake of my life flipping both our lives on their heads possibly for the worst

Submitted February 02, 2021 at 08:53AM by Barnes_651 https://ift.tt/2MOb3P3