My (23F) BF (25M) posted on a throwaway account that he wants to charge me rent on his mortgaged home, then accidentally followed me.

My boyfriend posted "Am I [25M] justified in wanting to ask for rent money from my GF [23F]?"

GF here, he accidentally followed me so I figured I’d engage in the conversation to shed some light on my perspective and get some advice on what I should do moving forward as well since I was completely unaware of this issue prior to his post. This post arose after I excitedly told him today that my OSAP funding for last semester was a grant rather than a loan like it usually is (fyi it goes straight to my university, I have never received disposable money from OSAP, I actually require financial aid). To preface it with some background info:

• I needed somewhere to live because my lease was up in my university city, living with my parents wasn't an option and I wasn't tied down anywhere because my studies shifted remotely due to covid. So, I committed to a furnished two-month lease starting June 2020 in this city because it's the cheapest city to live in and it would be an adventure. I moved 4 hrs from my mom, 6 hrs from my friends, 8 hrs from my dad, didn't know a single person here and I met my boyfriend shortly after arriving - I really only know him and his friends here still because of the lockdown.
• I stayed in the city much longer than anticipated, in order to stay close to my boyfriend, by extending my rent until Dec '20 when I finished university. While living here, my mom's relationship ended and she now lives alone so the opportunity to stay with her rent-free came up - we have an incredible relationship and she has expressed that she would be more than happy to have me. Rather than spending money that I don't have to rent or leaving the city to live rent-free with my mom 4 hours away, my boyfriend and I decided that I would move in with him, he owns his place. I told him to let me know if his utilities increase and I'd pay the excess of course! I finished university last month, I am unemployed, receiving EI, and job hunting for entry-level roles.

I have government student debt and student debt w. the bank, I receive $1,700/month from EI and I can’t afford rent at the moment given my precarious situation. I brought a car into the equation and I pay the costs associated with this, which benefits both of us. I have those costs (gas, maintenance, insurance), interest on my student debt, phone bill, groceries, and other living expenses that we all generally tend to incur. Comparatively, my boyfriend has a very low rate mortgage on an investment place & the market value has increased $100k since purchasing 3 years ago, he has invested savings, and his pre-tax salary is ~$100k; he works really hard at his job, is very smart with his money and was fortunate to start off his career without student debt - all of which is very admirable! We have very aligned financial goals for our future but clearly have had very different starting points.

I've been living with him for only 3 weeks now and suddenly he's wondering if it's justifiable to want me to pay rent. He's reminding me that my situation isn’t his burden to carry and I totally agree, although I don't believe that living with him rent-free (as agreed upon) is a burden on him considering it isn’t costing him anything except cupboard space (not 70% actually - 50% of the closet, some coffee + baking supplies, and a blender). His expenses wouldn’t decrease by having me move out, so having me pay rent would actually subsidize his expenses and it would be profitable for him. I have recently been offered a job that would pay me just $200 more per month than EI and my BF has said that because I am an adult, I should be paying housing expenses, especially when I start this job because surely other people live on that amount and so can I. He also says that choosing to move 4 hours away from him to live with my mom rent-free is indicative that a few hundred dollars/month is essentially more important to me than living with or near him.

I feel like he just doesn't understand the situation that I'm in and isn't being very sensitive to it. When I say this, the narrative shifts and he reminds me that he's not my sugar daddy, my situation isn't his burden and I'm an adult so it's my responsibility. All of which I'm fully aware of and agree with, nor did I ever intended to make him feel like I'm living off of him, we split everything that we do together. Additionally, his friend asked him how much he's charging me rent, so he had a conversation with him on the weekend about my financial situation which makes me really uncomfortable because I’m not proud of it, it’s private and I trusted him with that information.

Truthfully, I feel pretty belittled by these comments and really disconnected as he perceived me as a free-rider after I brought up some positive financial news (a government grant instead of a loan covered my tuition), which makes it clear that he's very out of touch with the reality of my situation. Finances are so incredibly stressful and this amplified it - I feel cornered into staying and either increasing my expenses that he'll profit off of or not paying and then feeling like I’m in debt to him or moving to my mom's and we’ll likely break up over the distance. I don't want to feel like a charity case, but I also don't want to incur avoidable expenses so that he can earn a profit over the principle of me being an adult.

TL;DR - My BF wants me to pay rent on a portion of his mortgaged home. I graduated uni one month ago, am unemployed looking for entry-level roles, and can alternatively live rent-free with my mom who I have an amazing relationship with, but it's 4 hours from my boyfriend.

Submitted February 02, 2021 at 05:17PM by sometimesfunnier https://ift.tt/36C1pWG