My [22/F] mom [46/F] disowned my sister [23/F]. My sister is now pregnant, and I don’t want to be in the middle of it when mom finds out.

Growing up was really weird for us. My mom would storm the house and say things like “I hate being a parent”, and “I just want to quit this job [parenting]”. Her apologies would sound like “one day I will be dead and you will wish you were better to me”. I would be bounced back and forth between her house and my extended families houses. Because of this, my sister and I didn’t connect like siblings until we were older and away from her. We realized that she had been playing us against eachother, and spent a few years working on our relationship. My sister is my best friend now, and I would do anything for her. We are going to call her “Kay” in this post.

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About a year ago my sister made a post about our mom on reddit. As you can imagine, we both have some issues to work through. I have attachment issues, and my sister is depressed. My sister doesn’t see a therapist, but she does reach out online where she is most comfortable to talk about her trauma. I don’t know how our mom found the post, but she did. She confronted Kay by accusing her of attacking her online. This isn’t the first time this has happened, and Kay has had to make a few new reddit accounts to throw her off. Kay lives on her own so this isn’t a “my house, my rules” thing. Our mom chooses to be the victim of Kay’s mental health issues and it causes a lot of problems. They haven’t spoken since that fight and mom has chosen to disown her for “talking bad about her where other people can see”.

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I learned really quick to dissociate from and disarm the issues that arise in this family. My sister is not as disarming and refuses to take anyone’s garbage. She’s headstrong, but always takes the moral high ground. I don’t think mom has tried to apologize yet. Her victim mentality leaves her believing that she is the one that is owed an apology. She’s a malignant narcissist who truly believes she is doing the best that she can. She can be genuine if she’s feeling good, but she can also lash out and be insufferable. If you can’t ride the waves with her then you will end up in her crosshairs. If you don't agree with her then you are attacking her.

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Kay is doing great for herself. She has an awesome job, is head-over-heels for her fiancé, and they just found out that she is pregnant. I think that her choosing not to tell mom could really hurt mom, but I also understand why she doesn’t want to tell her. I refuse to say anything because it is not my place and I don’t want to ruin my relationship with Kay. Mom knows that we are close so I don’t think I can pretend that I had no idea that Kay is pregnant when she finds out. However, when Mom does find out that Kay is pregnant it is going to be a colossal mess. I don’t want the finger pointed at me for not telling her. I am not a fan of confrontation. While my mom claims to have disowned Kay, this is something I think she would care about. She will ask about Kay from time to time, and I think that is she just mad and trying to strong arm Kay than actually disown her.

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I think that if Kay and mom ever want to have a relationship down the road that this will have caused some serious damage. I also think that Kay is right for handling this the way that she wants to. I'd like some outside perspective because I tend to see things through the eyes of mom's favorite saying "one day I will be dead and you will wish you were better to me". I would also like to know the best way to navigate this when the time comes. Thank you everyone who takes the time!

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Please also note that since my mom has a history of finding my sister's reddit posts I made this post as vague as possible and changed many details as I can. This is also a throwaway account.

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TL;DR my mom disowned my sister and my sister is pregnant. My sister is my bestfriend and I agreed to keep her secret but I am worried about what will happen when mom does find out and points the finger at me.

Submitted February 06, 2021 at 11:02AM by buytheride https://ift.tt/3pRrd8R