I (25F) am generally a very affectionate person. I try to show love verbally, physically and through actions. I'm not made of money, I make enough for necessities and have some extra to spend, but definitely not loaded. I try to show my love through action by doing small things, such as getting his favourite snacks when I'm out getting groceries, make him his favourite dish (I can't cook, I've tried so his favourite dish is more like microwaving and toasting and cutting up cheese), go downstairs to pick up food when we get takeout (which especially on the weekend, is a lot) in his high rise condo which takes 5-10 minutes to go up and down, get his beers when he's gaming and doesn't want to get off the couch (only on the weekends so its not as bad as it sounds) etc.
The problem is, my boyfriend (27M) of 9 months, is now "expecting" me to do all those things. I do them out of my love and because I want to show him my love. But now if I don't do those things, he gets upset with me. I was starting to feel really under appreciated because he doesn't really do anything for me in return. Sometimes he'll ask me if I want something from where he orders from, but thats about it. I started to get a bit sick of it and left his dishes in the sink for him to wash since I made his food (its only for him as I don't like that dish). My reasoning is I made it, you ate it, so help wash a bowl, a plate, cutlery and a chopping board. Then he got a bit upset saying it was my responsibility and wasn't I doing things for him to be nice? So I'd have to do the dishes as well. This sort of triggered something in me that made me feel so under appreciated and in a way, used. Maybe this is where I'm wrong? If I truly was doing it out of love, should I be asking for gestures in return?
I confronted him about it, and give him all the instances. At one point he said, "yes, I expect my girlfriend to do all those things for me". And when I asked what he should expect himself to do as a boyfriend, he came up blank. And when I said I was feeling under appreciated, he said I was blowing things out of proportion. He said that he's spent a lot of money on me over the course of our relationship. But I said thats the same with me, he got me AirPods for Christmas when we agreed not to do gifts as two weeks before Christmas was his birthday and I took him on holiday (allowed within the country where I am). I got him a crate of his favourite beers which is quite expensive in my country. I try to pay for lunches when we order in as I'm getting a bit wary how much he spends on me, and buy his groceries when I can. Since we've been dating nearly every weekend I would spend money buying him beers (which again, isn't cheap here). So I was upset he would bring money into the conversation. Especially since I feel I had equally spent a lot on him.
I felt like I was talking to a brick wall, and left the living room to the guest room to do work. He has been upset with me and went into his room and hasn't spoken to me. I'm not sure who is in the right/wrong, or more importantly, what to do going forward. I do love him, and want to try fix things but I'm not sure if its worth it anymore at this point.
TL;DR - my boyfriend of 9 months is now expecting all the small gestures I used to do out of love, so if I don't do them he gets moody with me. When I said I felt under appreciated since he doesn't really do anything for me, he tells me I'm blowing it out of proportion and now we're both mad. Not sure what to do to fix it/if I should fix it.
Submitted February 02, 2021 at 06:54AM by demwjsn https://ift.tt/2LfnWkJ
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